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Adult female diagnosis - mum doesn't think I had many childhood traits

NAS72736

Hello. I am an adult female (35) and think I might be autistic and have self-referred to my local autism service. They sent me 3 questionnaires to fill so I did mine (the EQ and AQ tests) which came out with a high likelihood of autism. But my mum filled out the CAST questionnaire for childhood autistic behaviours/traits and I scored quite low on that and my score indicated low or no autistic traits. I have just posted these off and am now waiting to hear.

I am wondering if this will affect the chances of me getting diagnosed with autism. I am worried that based on this CAST questionnaire I will be refused an appointment for diagnosis. My mum just seems to think I was a quiet and shy little girl but that I did very well in school, had no learning disabilities, had friends and had no problems with eye contact, strange behaviours, adherence to routines, etc. I just think my mum probably can't remember what I was like as I am 35 now and it's probably all a bit hazy, either that or she just didn't think any behaviours I did have were unusual (when actually they were!). I also think that the CAST questionnaire focusses on stereotypically male autistic traits.

I think I have so many autistic traits now as an adult woman (including social anxiety, general anxiety, obsessions, rigid thinking, resistance to change, and problems sticking to education and employment) that I am very doubtful that I had so few traits as a child.

Does anybody here have any experience of adult female diagnosis and problems with the developmental history part, especially perhaps with parents not thinking you are autistic or that you had any traits as a child? Would a low CAST score on its own be enough to refuse a diagnosis appointment or do they take into account current traits?

Thanks!

Parents

  • I don't think a parent's input is necessary for a diagnosis - I didn't have to do that, but I am estranged from my parents. A lot of the time, girls' traits don't get picked up because autistic girls tend to be quiet as children. I would try seeing different diagnosticians. But then again I didn't really get help for mine, I was diagnosed with 'mild Asperger's' and ADHD and dismissed.

    Good luck with your diagnosis!

  • in reply to violetdr3amer

    Apparently my mother called me estranged before I realised we were, but I just tolerated her up till that moment. Then I'd had enough and now we don't speak. I had to look this term up. She also sent me a site full of 'grieving' parents with estranged children. I have to say, that site contained some of the most immature, irresponsible, entitled Parents I've ever come across. Humans who hadn't taken their roles and responsibilities as Parents seriously. It was a misery loves company forum and I don't like to put humans in that category. 

    Sorry this is your experience. They're supposed to offer support. My father thinks I'm perfectly normal (we have close to the same temperament). My mother thinks I make far more money than I ever will and has all kinds of unspoken unreasonable demands even though she lives this luxurious lifestyle and rarely - if never - visits me. 

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    This is another aspect that interests me greatly.  So many people here reporting difficult, distant or dysfunctional, even abusive relationships with parents, particularly mothers... I've had my agonies too and we were definitely estranged for a long time. It's creating so many questions in my mind... Are there common denominators for ASD here?  One to raise in itself later on the board and do a little research here, I think.

    I'm so sorry you haven't been supported. 

Reply
  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    This is another aspect that interests me greatly.  So many people here reporting difficult, distant or dysfunctional, even abusive relationships with parents, particularly mothers... I've had my agonies too and we were definitely estranged for a long time. It's creating so many questions in my mind... Are there common denominators for ASD here?  One to raise in itself later on the board and do a little research here, I think.

    I'm so sorry you haven't been supported. 

Children
  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Hi - I don't know what film you're talking about - but Kevin is a Harry Enfield character - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY

  • in reply to Plastic

    Is this in reference to the Tilda Swinton film? I love her as an actress but the one about Kevin is the only one I haven't seen.

    My son used to tell me everything was my fault and recently stated that I shouldn't just allow him to vent. I should 'whip him into shape' or respond harshly. He seemed mad. I had a think for an extra long minute and said No. I absolutely refuse. He can join a boxing club if he'd like to take a beating. He wouldn't respond well anyway, he would internalise and suffocate and feel far more alone than he already does.

    And then I sort of broke down a little and tried to not express the really bad stuff I went through as a child. I refuse to be my mother. I already have her intensities in a way and characteristics are fine. I refuse to be cruel or have the taste of sh*t in my mouth. The world is harsh enough and I committed to being the one person he can feel safe around. It doesn't seem to be pushing him away. He loved me more for being a bit vulnerable as I rarely am.

  • in reply to Dawn

    I agree this could use it's own thread and am also curious of the same. I think it's partly generational - many parents here being a product of the 70s and 80s unlike their parents who probably had more B&W guidelines for what their responsibilities were, living prior to  the kind of sensory overload we now have in chemically made scents, food, excruciating decibel levels and cheap engineering, digital screens and all kinds of unnatural sensory inputs, not to mention these grand steam-rollers of capitalism re-shaping society in a much more competitive fashion. The entertainment industry alone, though it probably has a great deal more ASD individuals in the 'Engineering Room' (as it were), has really shaped culture (mirroring back) in strange ways. Sometimes I think part of what we're all fighting is a society that believes the worst in one another rather than the better. 

    But also some quality new-ness. Sorry for the analogies, sometimes it's easier to connect with similar memes mentally to explain a thing!

  • in reply to Plastic

    I wish all mothers were part of a safe space but sadly that isn't true.

  • in reply to Dawn

    Mothers tend to be more hands-on and are part of the safe space at home where it's ok to melt down, shout scream, break things, throw stuff about etc.    Mother is part of that safe space so is a legitimate target to vent at - or assault.

    Teenagers tend to become overblown  "Kevin The Teenagers" so everything wrong in their life is mother's fault - "it's so unfair" so they eventually cut the mother out of their lives permanently as punishment.