THE WALL OF Memory barriers

I find when I engage in a social environment, I collect negative memories so the longer and more often I attend that gathering, the more phobic I become due to memory barriers(small detail memory), this maybe even just someone unhappy face in the room, or a repeating action of behaviour of someone, the tone sound of a voice. It is like my memory has a negative bias towards groupings and therefore the stress builds up, it does not go down,, long-term. It stops me engaging as I remember the last engagement and the negative memory images within that engagement.

Does anyone else find this a problem. I need to go away from the environment of the stimulas memory for a long-time before I can re-engage, and there again, it is the same repeating pattern. It is like my cache buffer is full.

The closest, I can describe this, within the normal context, if someone had an eye patch on,, you would remember the guy with the eye patch at that social gathering, but with me it can be anything,, but I WORRY about the unnormal eye patch so to say. Then the phobia kicks in.

I'll give an example, I am running away from a place just now, because a guy there is about 6 foot tall, with a baldy head,  talks loudly in a false confidence and in your face. I should be able to ignore him, but my Autism mind is magnetised to him, like a moth to a light,. so I can't relax. I would even go as far to say I get traumatised by his very existance. So people become due to my over-focus of target memories become poison images to my mind. Argh ! So I form a wall of memories, the more memories, the thicker the wall, the more stress, I try overcoming the stimulas by exposure, but until I can not anymore due to stress on the body by adrenalin reactions. So, EVEN if I wished to interact,, I CAN NOT. People are my spider phobia so to say   as negative "Residual" Memories which create social and situational barriers.

Thanks for reading.

PS,,. I find it hard to watch drama type TV because of this, I can't not watch Adverts because I see subliminal patterns in adverts. The one the other day was a guiness advert for Rugby with a player with both his hands on the back of this head, displaying as a giant hidden "Cobra".