THE WALL OF Memory barriers

I find when I engage in a social environment, I collect negative memories so the longer and more often I attend that gathering, the more phobic I become due to memory barriers(small detail memory), this maybe even just someone unhappy face in the room, or a repeating action of behaviour of someone, the tone sound of a voice. It is like my memory has a negative bias towards groupings and therefore the stress builds up, it does not go down,, long-term. It stops me engaging as I remember the last engagement and the negative memory images within that engagement.

Does anyone else find this a problem. I need to go away from the environment of the stimulas memory for a long-time before I can re-engage, and there again, it is the same repeating pattern. It is like my cache buffer is full.

The closest, I can describe this, within the normal context, if someone had an eye patch on,, you would remember the guy with the eye patch at that social gathering, but with me it can be anything,, but I WORRY about the unnormal eye patch so to say. Then the phobia kicks in.

I'll give an example, I am running away from a place just now, because a guy there is about 6 foot tall, with a baldy head, talks loudly in a false confidence and in your face. I should be able to ignore him, but my Autism mind is magnetised to him, like a moth to a light,. so I can't relax. I would even go as far to say I get traumatised by his very existance. So people become due to my over-focus of target memories become poison images to my mind. Argh ! So I form a wall of memories, the more memories, the thicker the wall, the more stress, I try overcoming the stimulas by exposure, but until I can not anymore due to stress on the body by adrenalin reactions. So, EVEN if I wished to interact,, I CAN NOT. People are my spider phobia so to say as negative "Residual" Memories which create social and situational barriers.

Thanks for reading.

PS,,. I find it hard to watch drama type TV because of this, I can't not watch Adverts because I see subliminal patterns in adverts. The one the other day was a guiness advert for Rugby with a player with both his hands on the back of this head, displaying as a giant hidden "Cobra".

Silver100 over 12 years ago

I don't watch TV at all. I listen to drama on the radio and create the pictures in my head. I find less overloading, but I am also careful what I listen to because I am letting it into my head, so anything particular negative I don't listen to. I also turn off programmes, drama or factual, if they start shouting at each other or the temperature becomes raised because I cannot cope with the negative emotion.
The brain for most people is slightly biased to remembering negative memories as this keeps us safe. The difference I think for AS is that we usually remember more and are more anxious than NTs and so many things are negative that an NTs would not regard as so. I have an NT therapist who I find helpful in trying to redress the balance, though I am still very cautious at meeting people.
hohner over 12 years ago

I understand that, the grumpy, negative faces of people,, freek me out too, in the outside world. Maybe just reminding her that the TV is pretend(characters). I tell my boy who also has Autism that, when he was freeking out about characters he saw on Doctor Who.
I see TV as a death cult worship, drama hypnosis social triggering and negative fear bias machine,, originally the TV was a device designed by scientist for education as a light box. But the elite made it a propaganda ruling fear machine.
Hopefully, the internet will open the minds to free thinking again, without commercialisation and fear mongering which we all mirror due to negative medi sphere control. I have survived, wars, asteriods, tsunami;s, earthquakes, virus, volcano's, recessions ))) ,, ALL ON TV. Nothing much really happens around here in the farm, but the sheep need there barking fear dog, for the master to control the slaves...
MummysGirl over 12 years ago

Ive tried to work out what it is in the programmes that upsets her, i do know that she doesnt like certain faces so i often wonder if thats why but then the people who have "not nice faces" look ok to me so i dont know what it is about the faces lol. x
Scorpion0x17 over 12 years ago

MummysGirl said:
My daughter freaks out at certain tv programmes, runs out the room or changes channel for reasons I cant work out and she can't/won't tell me why ...
It is most likely some kind of sensory issue. You say 'certain tv programmes' - that implies that it's only with particular tv programs - what programmes are they? do they share anything in common? are they only on a particular channel?
hohner over 12 years ago

Maybe just sensory stimulas is to high, turn the volume down on the TV. I mute the adverts. I only watch a bit of TV because my memory remembers too much, so it would be overload my post-thinking or imaging and does keeps me awake. So I would suggest no TV an hour before bed if sleep is a problem.
My world is fine mostly if I slow it down, environmentally and have a sense of control within it.
It is good that she changes the channel or runs out the room in a way, as this is just a coping strategy. I would not even focus on it,, just ask her if she wishes a sandwich. Her break so to say.
MummysGirl over 13 years ago

My daughter freaks out at certain tv programmes, runs out the room or changes channel for reasons I cant work out and she can't/won't tell me why ...
Scorpion0x17 over 13 years ago

MummysGirl said:
Reading that explains some of the behaviours my daughter has.
It does?!
I have Asperger's, and I haven't a clue what hohner means in this thread.
MummysGirl over 13 years ago

Hello :)
Reading that explains some of the behaviours my daughter has. Its posts like this that help educate me about my wee girl, things i struggle to find reasons for ... does that make sense?? x