I had my assessment

Congratulations.

How long did you have to wait?

O said:

I often find my self thinking am I "acting" more autistic now than I was before

I suspect that now someone has pointed out what you're doing, you've just become acutely aware of it.     Don't get paranoid

I'm much more aware of when I'm stimming under pressure - I find myself continually apologising as I jiggle and pull my own hair.

Ethan said:

Basically all the things that a well-functioning organisation would do if they had the right leadership or stuck to their "best practices". 

:LOL.     

I don't know how you keep your sanity.      I used to create and deliver GxP compliance training - such hard work.   Herding cats. 

Thank you The Riddler

Oh my gosh! Yes! You just described everything I'm feeling, and experienced. I'm struggling to process at the moment. I know I need time, and that just for once I need to be patient with myself. I'm distracting myself and I'm not sure if I'm helping or hindering myself. My brain just seems to have been paused.

When you said data and number cruncher, I thought wonderful. Then you're description of what you actually do and what's going on around you sounded completely overwhelming. I have no idea how you get through each day. You're amazing! You make what I do seem really easy.

Welcome to the club!

I cleanse data, crunch numbers, up-skill colleagues and try to get other parts of the organisation I work for to talk to each other.

Work can be difficult. I've moved from a solitary role (which was a godsend but I couldn't keep it forever) to working with stakeholders which has brought to the fore just how chaotic people are when working together. Probably the most difficult thing is that I work with folk who get openly frustrated which, if I'm not careful, can draw me into the tsunami of emotions and I'm finding I have to really work to maintain a psychologically healthy distance.

Right now there's another part of the business which is on maneuvers, poaching staff and snaffling work - it's all influence and internal empire building so there's a lot of uncertainty and frustration in my corner which means a lot of the unease felt by others tends to spill over into the working day. No-one's job is at risk, it's just what they might be asked to do in the future will change. 

The hardest part is getting people to do the simple things I need. So clear ask and task, provide information written and up front before meetings. Have processes/rationale written down. Basically all the things that a well-functioning organisation would do if they had the right leadership or stuck to their "best practices". 

No it doesn't feel real yet to me either like it's happening to someone else and also something that is a lot deeper than that, I feel like the person who I was pre diagnosis is not the same person as I am now, I had a lot of issues my whole that I would often make MYSELF feel bad about because I though something was wrong with me when I've only just found out im not broken im just different and in a very real way. I often find my self thinking am I "acting" more autistic now than I was before but I've heard that can be common but it's not it's just now I know A LOT more about who and what I am I'm just trying to feel more comfortable in myself which is something inherently a thing Autistic people and myself struggle with especially in people who have late diagnoses like me, I spent their whole life masking because I knew I was different and I didn't want to be punished for me because that's I saw groing up... people being picked on, bullied and punished for not conforming.

Sorry for being all very deep but its how I feel and think

Thank you so much! How was receiving your diagnosis for you? I think for myself it doesn't yet seem real. 

Congratulations! welcome to the club 

Im sure you'll have lots of questions about your self from this point onwards as a result of getting your diagnosis so don't hesitate to ask for people advice and experiences on here it's really helped me. I've only had my diagnosis for a month and I can honestly say I feel closer to the guys I regularly see on this forum than I do a lot of "real" people in my life.

Give your self time to process it.

O

I'm so glad you're being kinder to yourself, you certainly deserve that. I'm hoping I can become more self forgiving. Is work being difficult for you? What do you do?

It's not been a smoothest ride but things have been much better for knowing. I'm more self-reflective and working to get some discipline on how I handle things day-to-day - especially with work things and people (so breaking down tasks, building in buffer time between activities etc). 

It's hard sometimes to get across to a NT as to what I do struggle with and why. Can't remember how many times I ask for clear ask/task and space to do it and I seem to get completely the opposite. The best thing is - I am a lot more kinder to myself these days. Just connecting with others experiences on this forum has helped a lot.  

Thank you Ethan. How has the journey been for you? I hope a positive one!

Good news with the diagnosis - glad you saw through the assessment. 

Give yourself time - I'm 8 months in and after the honeymoon period of relief of knowing just what's going on and everyone at work being receptive to disclosure I feel I'm only just getting to grips with it.

I think I'm more numb, distracting myself so as not to think about it. I'm relieved I finally have an explanation, and uncertain how to proceed. I will get there, and an easy weekend sounds very good!

How do you feel?     Fried?    Quiet weekend ahead?       Having your suspicions confirmed must feel good for you though.

Thank you x

Congratulations! x

Thank you Plastic. Glad I have the weekend to try and process before work on Monday