I had my assessment

Congratulations! welcome to the club 

Im sure you'll have lots of questions about your self from this point onwards as a result of getting your diagnosis so don't hesitate to ask for people advice and experiences on here it's really helped me. I've only had my diagnosis for a month and I can honestly say I feel closer to the guys I regularly see on this forum than I do a lot of "real" people in my life.

Give your self time to process it.

O

Thank you so much! How was receiving your diagnosis for you? I think for myself it doesn't yet seem real. 

No it doesn't feel real yet to me either like it's happening to someone else and also something that is a lot deeper than that, I feel like the person who I was pre diagnosis is not the same person as I am now, I had a lot of issues my whole that I would often make MYSELF feel bad about because I though something was wrong with me when I've only just found out im not broken im just different and in a very real way. I often find my self thinking am I "acting" more autistic now than I was before but I've heard that can be common but it's not it's just now I know A LOT more about who and what I am I'm just trying to feel more comfortable in myself which is something inherently a thing Autistic people and myself struggle with especially in people who have late diagnoses like me, I spent their whole life masking because I knew I was different and I didn't want to be punished for me because that's I saw groing up... people being picked on, bullied and punished for not conforming.

Sorry for being all very deep but its how I feel and think

No it doesn't feel real yet to me either like it's happening to someone else and also something that is a lot deeper than that, I feel like the person who I was pre diagnosis is not the same person as I am now, I had a lot of issues my whole that I would often make MYSELF feel bad about because I though something was wrong with me when I've only just found out im not broken im just different and in a very real way. I often find my self thinking am I "acting" more autistic now than I was before but I've heard that can be common but it's not it's just now I know A LOT more about who and what I am I'm just trying to feel more comfortable in myself which is something inherently a thing Autistic people and myself struggle with especially in people who have late diagnoses like me, I spent their whole life masking because I knew I was different and I didn't want to be punished for me because that's I saw groing up... people being picked on, bullied and punished for not conforming.

Sorry for being all very deep but its how I feel and think

Thank you it's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who fells like that it really is like an actual different person to now.

I don't know about you but I had my diagnosis REALLY quickly luckily I had the luxury to go private I found a clinic that specialises in diagnosing ASD I it took me a total of 3 weeks from getting my appoint booked to getting my diagnosis so it was all go go go with the questionnaires and the assessment it's self and after the assessment I got my report 4 days later. there wasn't much in the space of taking time to think about it all before it happened.

It's been a month I can start to feel myself coming to grips it with it all a bit more but I because I've been masking so much for so long I catch myself doing it a lot I need to learn to "embrace my autism" I'm just scared of being judged and treated differently by my family

O said:

I feel like the person who I was pre diagnosis is not the same person as I am now,

I have to give that insight kudos. Spot on. My life is split into pre and post diagnosis now. All the noise and guff that used to run round my ahead about the "why" I found life (read: people!) so completely disorientating and why I couldn't get to grips with it  was just put to bed overnight.

No need to apologise for being deep - I really connected with what you wrote. 

HAHAHA That's funny "I'm no good at chatting up and I always get rebuffed" LOL how to describe my life in one sentence

O said:

I move into a different room when there's too many people making too much noise

You'll always find me in the kitchen at parties!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62eTq8ErUOQ

That's true couple members of my family mentioning now for example about my eye contact or I move into a different room when there's too many people making too much noise etc etc.

In the moment I don't think anything of I feel like its normal for me but then they mention it and it makes me think about what I'm doing.

I've definitely noticed my swimming a lot more but I definitely suppress it when I'm with my family because they are very judgemental so I kind of save all up until im in private and have little stim fest when im in my room lol  (but seriously I do want to be comfortable enough not worry about stimming around people)

O said:

I often find my self thinking am I "acting" more autistic now than I was before

I suspect that now someone has pointed out what you're doing, you've just become acutely aware of it.     Don't get paranoid

I'm much more aware of when I'm stimming under pressure - I find myself continually apologising as I jiggle and pull my own hair.

Oh my gosh! Yes! You just described everything I'm feeling, and experienced. I'm struggling to process at the moment. I know I need time, and that just for once I need to be patient with myself. I'm distracting myself and I'm not sure if I'm helping or hindering myself. My brain just seems to have been paused.