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Single, bought a house that needs work before becoming habitable...

NAS69901

Hey all,

Last year I bought a house to try to escape still living with my parents in my 30s. I was hoping to move in very soon after getting the keys, but I began finding problem after problem that I figured would need fixing before I move in. 6 months later and there’s barely any change to the house, bar gutting it out almost entirely.

Due to my social anxiety, I’m struggling to find the strength to even make calls to builders so they can come look and give me advice and quotes. I even have an experienced builder in the family but am struggling for the strength to contact them too.

I’ve been in despair about the whole ordeal and am close to despair yet again as i just can’t seem to move in any direction with it.

Just wondering if there’s support for people going through this who likely have autism but are undiagnosed, which is probably what I am.

Thanks to any of you for taking the time to respond.

  • in reply to Plastic

    I have others in my corner, as I plan to buy.

  • move in

    and that will maybe waken u up a bit 

  • in reply to Untoward
    Untoward said:
    I know I can do it just need to get really motivated and avoid burnout.

    And that's the hardest bit.        There's a difficulty in finding the time to fit everything in as wel as do normal 'life'.    People don't realise how much work doing up a house is.

    A good starting point is clearing out all of your accumulated junk and rubbish - old paperwork, stuff you keep in case it might come in handy etc.   - Dump it all - get a skip if it's a lot.

  • I've been in a similar situation. I bought a house but it was in a liveable state, just a bit dated. But I'm not very good at looking after myself. After living in it for a while it became full of squalor and things started breaking which I just left broken (e.g. I went without basic things like an oven for 3 years or when the aerial fell down I just stopped watching TV).

    I've been trying to sort it out, partly because I need to move house. But there is so much work and I'm not very good at it. I have been trying to stay on top of cleaning but it feels like a losing battle and there are things I can't fix myself which I struggle to call anyone about due to social anxiety and fear of having someone in the only place I feel safe.

    Sadly I don't think there is really any help for people like me, since I am "high functioning" I just need to eventually force myself to do things that I struggle to do. I know I can do it just need to get really motivated and avoid burnout.

  • Sounds like you need to get in touch with the builder you know. Maybe your parents could do that as it’s not good having a house unlived in waiting to be developed. You need a clear list of jobs needed and who is going to do them. Can your parents or a friend help you move this forwards

  • Hiya

    Sorry to hear you're in this situation - my friend is in a similar position.

    What skills do you have?    What tools do you have?     How big is the job?      Decorating or major work?

    Have you listed out all the individual jobs?     If you can grasp the scale of the project, you can separate the jobs into 3 lists - ones you can get straight on with, ones you are lacking either skills or tools and then the left-overs are things you need to pay for.

    Once you have the list you can immediately start on, look at the quickest and easiest jobs to give you some fast success - and a shorter list!  Smiley