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Has anyone, AS or NT had experience with cassandra syndrome?

Lulu

Hi all, 

If you have seen my previous posts you are probably aware that I'm currently trying to save my marriage.

Yesterday my hubby finally came to the house to discuss how he was feeling. I want to thank everyone who has responded to my previous posts on here, you are all such wonderful people to take the time to respond and help me understand my husband more. 

Unfortunately our marriage is still far from healed, my hubby told me yesterday that he still loves me but it's not about love anymore and that it is about his mental health moving forward. On this basis he needs time to decide if he can be with me or not. Im devastated that at the moment our marriage could end at any moment but in the meantime they're is nothing more I can do.

After listening to what he has had to say, I feel sad at how he had been made to feel, although at the time he never showed or explained this. In asking for the emotional connection I so desperately needed, I have made him feel pressured and distressed and now feel extremely guilty. 

In the first 3 years of the relationship things were fine, but when the first lockdown hit and we only had eachother, this is when I felt I started to lose him and thus is when he started feeling the pressure from me. I never pressured him through malace or intent to cause upset, I just love him so much, missed him and felt I was losing him. 

After speaking to him last night I started doing some reading about the feelings from my side that have motivated my input to what I now realise has contributed to the downfall of our marriage and found cassandra syndrome. Upon reading more about it I realise that this is me over the last year, emotions amplified and heightened by the lockdown. 

I feel I want to explain this to my hubby, to show him that with more unstanding of how and why this has happened and with us both receiving help, this could work. However I'm worried that pointing this out to him will cause even more distress and push him away further.

Any advice on this subject would be very much appreciated 

Thank you in advance

Parents

  • No idea what this Cassandra syndrome is. Is just your husband the one with ASD, or you both? Both my ex & I are ASD/ADHD. (I'm awaiting assessment, he'd never get dx, but it is obvious now I know what I'm looking for)  A lot of what you've put I can relate to. In hindsight, we should have split much sooner than we did.

    Regardless of that, a brief look at your posts has huge alarm bells ringing about your husband & his ability to safely parent your child. He doesn't sound stable or grown-up enough to take care of a baby. I would be focussing on getting through the rest of the pregnancy safely on your own. When the baby is born I would only allow access in a supervised way. At his parents house perhaps, if you trust them to take care of an infant until he is able to prove himself as trustworthy. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate

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  • No idea what this Cassandra syndrome is. Is just your husband the one with ASD, or you both? Both my ex & I are ASD/ADHD. (I'm awaiting assessment, he'd never get dx, but it is obvious now I know what I'm looking for)  A lot of what you've put I can relate to. In hindsight, we should have split much sooner than we did.

    Regardless of that, a brief look at your posts has huge alarm bells ringing about your husband & his ability to safely parent your child. He doesn't sound stable or grown-up enough to take care of a baby. I would be focussing on getting through the rest of the pregnancy safely on your own. When the baby is born I would only allow access in a supervised way. At his parents house perhaps, if you trust them to take care of an infant until he is able to prove himself as trustworthy. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate

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