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Has anyone, AS or NT had experience with cassandra syndrome?

Lulu

Hi all, 

If you have seen my previous posts you are probably aware that I'm currently trying to save my marriage.

Yesterday my hubby finally came to the house to discuss how he was feeling. I want to thank everyone who has responded to my previous posts on here, you are all such wonderful people to take the time to respond and help me understand my husband more. 

Unfortunately our marriage is still far from healed, my hubby told me yesterday that he still loves me but it's not about love anymore and that it is about his mental health moving forward. On this basis he needs time to decide if he can be with me or not. Im devastated that at the moment our marriage could end at any moment but in the meantime they're is nothing more I can do.

After listening to what he has had to say, I feel sad at how he had been made to feel, although at the time he never showed or explained this. In asking for the emotional connection I so desperately needed, I have made him feel pressured and distressed and now feel extremely guilty. 

In the first 3 years of the relationship things were fine, but when the first lockdown hit and we only had eachother, this is when I felt I started to lose him and thus is when he started feeling the pressure from me. I never pressured him through malace or intent to cause upset, I just love him so much, missed him and felt I was losing him. 

After speaking to him last night I started doing some reading about the feelings from my side that have motivated my input to what I now realise has contributed to the downfall of our marriage and found cassandra syndrome. Upon reading more about it I realise that this is me over the last year, emotions amplified and heightened by the lockdown. 

I feel I want to explain this to my hubby, to show him that with more unstanding of how and why this has happened and with us both receiving help, this could work. However I'm worried that pointing this out to him will cause even more distress and push him away further.

Any advice on this subject would be very much appreciated 

Thank you in advance

Parents

  • Hi Losan, 

    In the beginning the amount of gaming wasnt an issue, if has been made far worse throughout lockdown. 

    Workgroup knowing it could be autism I've felt abandoned and alone throughout a miscarriage and a pregnancy, and have taken it as him not caring rather than him trying to cope.

    Now i know it could be autism, it's too late for me to tackle this from a more understanding perspective as he has already left me and in attempting to convince him to come back in just pushing him further away.

Reply

  • Hi Losan, 

    In the beginning the amount of gaming wasnt an issue, if has been made far worse throughout lockdown. 

    Workgroup knowing it could be autism I've felt abandoned and alone throughout a miscarriage and a pregnancy, and have taken it as him not caring rather than him trying to cope.

    Now i know it could be autism, it's too late for me to tackle this from a more understanding perspective as he has already left me and in attempting to convince him to come back in just pushing him further away.

Children
  • in reply to Lulu

    I'm not sure it's too late. But you need to decide for yourself whether you can cope with getting back together as well. 

    It sounds like at least some of your attempts to convince him to come back are creating additional stress for him. The way you communicate with each other needs to break out of that cycle.