Can sex be an obsession for autistic men?

I would say most human beings are probably obsessed with sex to some degree. Your description of getting a sexual thought stuck in your head and having to act on it will be familiar to many teenagers who find themselves masturbating frequently as puberty kicks in and they start to explore the new ‘sexual landscape’ that’s opened up in their imaginations. And of course your husband has the same options those teenagers have, masturbation and porn, so it’s not like he has no outlets. But it might be understandably frustrating to have strong sexual desires and then find your romantic and sexual partner doesn’t want to do sexual things.

Another thing to consider is that it’s been my observation that when relationships go bad the sex is often the first thing to go. That could be because it’s like a canary in the coal mine but it could also be because the sex acts like relationship glue. Your husband might be thinking ‘if only I could get our sex life back to where it was when the relationship started the relationship might improve.’

Also I think a lot of people use sex to self medicate their frustration, stress, or depression away. Autistic people can find life tough, the emotions can get bottled up till it all comes out at once. Maybe your husband has gotten into the habit of using sex with you as his primary emotional purge valve.

As for obsessive sexual behaviour I can only speak for my self. But as a teen especially it would not be enough to just do something sexual to relive the urge. You’d find your self thinking about it, deconstructing the fantasy, innovating, asking what if. Writing erotic fiction or creating erotic art to explore the ideas. I suppose this more analytical approach to sexual thoughts might be an ‘autistic thing.’

One thing I’m sure of. Allowing conversations about your marriage to be deflected by sex is a bad idea. But then talking about your sex lives as the first part of your marriage to work on might not be a bad idea. It’s what’s on his mind anyway. And after all your sex life has to work for both of you for a healthy marriage. It can’t just be all his ‘obsessions.’ You both need to find it stimulating.

I would say most human beings are probably obsessed with sex to some degree. Your description of getting a sexual thought stuck in your head and having to act on it will be familiar to many teenagers who find themselves masturbating frequently as puberty kicks in and they start to explore the new ‘sexual landscape’ that’s opened up in their imaginations. And of course your husband has the same options those teenagers have, masturbation and porn, so it’s not like he has no outlets. But it might be understandably frustrating to have strong sexual desires and then find your romantic and sexual partner doesn’t want to do sexual things.

Another thing to consider is that it’s been my observation that when relationships go bad the sex is often the first thing to go. That could be because it’s like a canary in the coal mine but it could also be because the sex acts like relationship glue. Your husband might be thinking ‘if only I could get our sex life back to where it was when the relationship started the relationship might improve.’

Also I think a lot of people use sex to self medicate their frustration, stress, or depression away. Autistic people can find life tough, the emotions can get bottled up till it all comes out at once. Maybe your husband has gotten into the habit of using sex with you as his primary emotional purge valve.

As for obsessive sexual behaviour I can only speak for my self. But as a teen especially it would not be enough to just do something sexual to relive the urge. You’d find your self thinking about it, deconstructing the fantasy, innovating, asking what if. Writing erotic fiction or creating erotic art to explore the ideas. I suppose this more analytical approach to sexual thoughts might be an ‘autistic thing.’

One thing I’m sure of. Allowing conversations about your marriage to be deflected by sex is a bad idea. But then talking about your sex lives as the first part of your marriage to work on might not be a bad idea. It’s what’s on his mind anyway. And after all your sex life has to work for both of you for a healthy marriage. It can’t just be all his ‘obsessions.’ You both need to find it stimulating.