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Concerns over telling my wider family

SteveL

Hi All,

I've was diagnosed with ASD yesterday and I have informed my immediate family of the diagnosis. My brother was very supportive and understanding about the diagnosis (He is a care worker with 20 years exp in Adults with learning difficulties and dementia), however my parents were very dismissive of the diagnosis. I want to announce my diagnosis to my wider family, but I'm worried about their responses.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Parents

  • A lot of older people I have found are dismissive. In my wider family we had one member who was very clearly Autistic from a very early age and everyone agrees now. They were never diagnosed. More recently, a younger member of the family has been diagnosed yet one older member of the family refuses to believe it. The funny thing is they agree that the other undiagnosed family member has Autism 100%. This is because the undiagnosed one displayed his symptoms quite openly and obviously and to everyone but the other diagnosed one does not. A stranger would not immediately know. It would only become apparent having spent some time with them. 

    Not to sound rude, but it is basically ignorance though it has to be expected from anyone who hasn't educated themselves enough about Autism as it is not a subject easily grasped and certainly won't be grasped in one sitting. For some people, your head would need to be hanging off for them to believe something was wrong. They need to see something physical or very obvious. It can be very frustrating and hurtful to be dismissed.

    My only advice would be to explain how it affects you personally to your parents to the best of your knowledge. Or even write it all out for them so it's easy for them to understand as you may forget things or struggle to get it across face to face or in the spur of the moment. I wouldn't be in a huge rush to tell the wider family myself, unless I was very close to them but only you can decide this based on your own judgment. 

Reply

  • A lot of older people I have found are dismissive. In my wider family we had one member who was very clearly Autistic from a very early age and everyone agrees now. They were never diagnosed. More recently, a younger member of the family has been diagnosed yet one older member of the family refuses to believe it. The funny thing is they agree that the other undiagnosed family member has Autism 100%. This is because the undiagnosed one displayed his symptoms quite openly and obviously and to everyone but the other diagnosed one does not. A stranger would not immediately know. It would only become apparent having spent some time with them. 

    Not to sound rude, but it is basically ignorance though it has to be expected from anyone who hasn't educated themselves enough about Autism as it is not a subject easily grasped and certainly won't be grasped in one sitting. For some people, your head would need to be hanging off for them to believe something was wrong. They need to see something physical or very obvious. It can be very frustrating and hurtful to be dismissed.

    My only advice would be to explain how it affects you personally to your parents to the best of your knowledge. Or even write it all out for them so it's easy for them to understand as you may forget things or struggle to get it across face to face or in the spur of the moment. I wouldn't be in a huge rush to tell the wider family myself, unless I was very close to them but only you can decide this based on your own judgment. 

Children
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