He's refusing to make a decision

someone having Autism spectrum disorder / Asperger can explain behaviours but it doesn't always justifies individuals with autism spectrum disorders / aspergers  behaviour .If he is relatively aware that he is on the autism spectrum and has managed to maintain a relationship with you to procreate with you then he is certainly too late to just walk away from you.

You mentioned things have been difficult for a while, how long since the relationship started to break down. Before or after you became pregnant ? I mention this because even men who are not on the spectrum experience Dad shock/ Dad Depression.

If you this is accidental pregnancy and you and your husband were not on the same page when you conceived your baby then the pressure and anxiety of becoming a father is crippling him. Being neuro diverse makes it extremely difficult when you have issues with social imagination you can't imagine or predict how you life is going to be affected and that uncertainty makes you malfunction when you have autism. 

Another thing is to relieve the pressure is have a deep serious talk, which you should of had months ago on how your husband having autism is going to affect his ability to be a parent and how to may affect this child emotionally, mentally and genetically. Their are some amazing autistic fathers out their but like neurotypical fathers their are some who just aren't capable. He could be extremely worried about having the child with additional needs with predetermined guilt if the child is born with autism or other neurodevelopmental disorders because there is a genetic component feeling extremely bad for the child's possible future hardships that come with the disorder. Yes, having autism can make life difficult but with the right support and encouragement a child with autism can thrive. 

Stop contacting him and let your husband recover from the burnout, more you pester the more difficult it gets to recover and the longer it takes. i would give him a week at most to recover. It could mean the relationship is over or he could recover from burnout and apologize and return home. 

When your in a relationship with someone with autism you need to make reasonable accommodations if not the relationship will breakdown, You need to take this time and reflect on the relationship to se when you could made some very simple accommodations so if you both decide to stay together so this doesn't happen again.  

Hi Blue,

Thank you for your input. 

We have been married for a year and a half. Spending a year of it in lockdown. My hubby used to enjoy us going out on a weekend, he enjoys gaming and playing his instruments.

However since he was furloughed during the first lockdown  he began spending all his time on the games, either in his gaming room or on his phone whenever he was sat next to me. The conversation died and I started to feel very alone, insisting that he would need to cut down on gaming when baby arrived. 

This is what caused the problems we've had, his reluctance to see the  amount of time spent on games as an issue and the mood the games put him in if he either was a on them all day or couldn't go on them. Either way I was faced with a moody snappy hubby. It's like the games sap his social skills.

It was him that always wanted kids, he used to talk about having a family bubble and a child to teach things to. He has told me since that he is worried about if he will be a good enough dad. I have tried to reassure him with how I have seen him play dad to our cats who he makes little dens for if we ever get anything delivered in a big enough box. 

I don't doubt he will be a good dad, as long as he can control his temper and pull himself away from the games long enough to get to know his child. 

The games haven't always been such a massive issue and I pray that once the country opens up and he ventures out again, the amount of gaming will go back to how it was originally. My fear is that it won't and that I will never see my hubby and our child will never see his dad. 

Hi Blue,

Thank you for your input. 

We have been married for a year and a half. Spending a year of it in lockdown. My hubby used to enjoy us going out on a weekend, he enjoys gaming and playing his instruments.

However since he was furloughed during the first lockdown  he began spending all his time on the games, either in his gaming room or on his phone whenever he was sat next to me. The conversation died and I started to feel very alone, insisting that he would need to cut down on gaming when baby arrived. 

This is what caused the problems we've had, his reluctance to see the  amount of time spent on games as an issue and the mood the games put him in if he either was a on them all day or couldn't go on them. Either way I was faced with a moody snappy hubby. It's like the games sap his social skills.

It was him that always wanted kids, he used to talk about having a family bubble and a child to teach things to. He has told me since that he is worried about if he will be a good enough dad. I have tried to reassure him with how I have seen him play dad to our cats who he makes little dens for if we ever get anything delivered in a big enough box. 

I don't doubt he will be a good dad, as long as he can control his temper and pull himself away from the games long enough to get to know his child. 

The games haven't always been such a massive issue and I pray that once the country opens up and he ventures out again, the amount of gaming will go back to how it was originally. My fear is that it won't and that I will never see my hubby and our child will never see his dad.