For JuniperFromGallifrey

I tried and tried to find the reply gave me but cannot. So I am posting this information hoping to contact them. It is what we were talking about, women not having power in history. It is an article by Tara Mohr called Learning to Love Criticism in the New York Times if you want to look it up. It is the paragraph starting:

"There's another, deeper factor that informs women's relationship to criticism and praise."

I really wish this forum was nice and clear like the PHP forums. I search and search for people's replies, then the reply button doesn't appear. Sooooo frustrating.

  • Exchange weirdo for 'eccentric'! It's much more exotic. :)

    I went through similar things only there wasn't enough support to get off the ground properly, let alone go to Uni, and growing up in the States, little access to proper medical health let alone mental. Mental health wasn't an option. Many Americans still  misrepresent or misunderstand it. When I was young, I honestly didn't know what kind of financial independence existed let alone the kind of wealth humans could achieve (or marry into Haha). Just a 'bittersweet symphony' of day to day barely making it. I was forced to move out at 18 (that's what good little capitalists do), so I left at 17, and due to a range of undiagnosed medical issues (never mind not 'fitting' in), ended up back at home incredibly ill for 3 months around 19, but also unable to keep a job. Few social skills, no admin skills. Eventually I would find odd jobs in the entertainment business. 

    I did have a drive to escape my surroundings, though. But not without briefly marrying someone as abusive as my mother, then escaping that. And he managed to drive me further into debt at too young of an age, so I couldn't get a flat or a credit card - he ruined my credit before I even knew what that was. Then getting 'let go' from one admin job after the next, until one day someone told me I needed a 'system'. People speak in strange code. 

    I managed to find friends, so long as I didn't talk much. But it was just one rejection after the next until somewhere in my 30s, several boyfriends later, pieces started coming together. I hunted down philosophy/psychoanalysis in order to figure out 'what's going on'. I didn't know a thing about Autism until a few years ago, so I used to just describe myself as an INTJ and embraced those 'black unicorn' traits, which I do feel are quite suitable. Thankfully, I've found mentors and workshops and wisdom from Rabbi's and all sorts along the way, determined to a sort of 'becoming'.

    But now I'm quite certain it is because of these autistic traits that I have been able to extract myself from one difficulty to the next. That I'm able to grasp make connexions (even if I don't have language for them immediately) and hyper-focus and experiment with better perspectives and ethics. Financial independence, when you're not competitive is considered a liability to investors or jobs, but money does give one choices. Having a community, a few long-term proven relationships and family support, at least from my perspective, is a little more effective. One needs opportunity.

    Anyway, you must have some kind of agency... do you study anything in particular? Have hobbies? Forage? There's positives and negatives to both. My closest friend has been married since Uni, went to art school and has never been financially "independent", but she always time to read, take pottery classes, experiment with photography, she's always learning something new along side her full time wife-duties :) Her husband is lovely. She has a cat, no children. They have a greenhouse and I do admire her life & her partnership sometimes. She can exit a short-lived startup job if she wants to, I'd love to have that sort of freedom. We live vicariously through each other, I suppose...


  • yeah - once it's over 50 replies, it's a nightmare to try to make sense of the parallel nested threads.   I've never used a website as bad as this one.

    The one before the last one here was really very good to use and very easy on the eyes too, and was very much like all the other Autistic websites I use in terms of being Autism compatible ~ unlike the previous and current versions here that were and are much more suited to non-autistic sensibilities with all the parallel thread nesting mess.  

    My main difficulty with this place is the over-sized space hogging top-panel, the three-step decreasing font size from which to the replies and the reply typing panel that really make writing on this website rather a body and mind fragging strain for me ~ what with having stress induced Psychogenic Non Epileptic Seizures.

    I mean I am pretty sure everybody else has to put up with the complete disorderly jumble of font sizes and wasted vertical space as depicted below:



    But no other autistic website has any of these undesirably disordered and irregular features, nor any of the dysfunctional site operations that pretty much seem to be 'just get used to it' parts of the service now.

    I do like to imagine though that the National Autistic Society can get this website sorted out ~ as in sorted right out and replaced with something new that actually looks good 'and' works well, something like before. It was so homely and comfortable, not irritating and frustrating like now, alas. :-(


  • Ah yes, the undiagnosed medical issues. All mine have been dismissed, even mocked, by doctors so now I live a life of constant peeling, chopping, cooking, baking as I can no longer tolerate artificial additives in food without being violently sick or other such unpleasant side effects. It's only autism that has ever been taken seriously with doctors, to my great surprise.

    I just have my husband, no other long term supporters. It's lonely. I got in touch with old school friends and university friends a few years ago, only to find them disinterested or even hostile to me. I thought I got on well with them but seems not. I worked out that maybe it was because they preferred 'loser Kikicat' who had no boyfriend, no job, was always getting into muddles. They think now I'm married with a child, I am less likeable as a friend, maybe a threat to them? I dunno. Weird, but at least I know they aren't my true supporters, however nice they used to be and all the fun times we had together.

    No, I don't go out anymore due to my annoying health issues, it's just easier to stay in instead of taking bags of food and drink with me, looking for toilets etc. I've tried lots of groups e.g. Meetup, local groups, but I'm always met with blank stares and/or hostility so I've given up.

    In fact today I decided I'm obviously not cut out for friendships and should please myself. I will maybe one day go out again to events by myself and do it just for me, I can't hope to find friends. I research a lot on the internet, that is fun for me. Finding out interesting facts and information, I should start a library.

  • Thanks for the tip.

    It works. Smiley

  • I preach the Gospel according to Firefox.