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Is it possible to 'learn' non-verbal communication when autistic?

Emmsmum

Hi,

As the mother of 2 autistic children, I finally got up the guts to get assessed myself.  I was shocked to find that they would not diagnose me because my non-verbal skills were too good, other than that, I would've got the diagnosis. I've spent almost 50 years watching and observing people (I've even been challenged several times for inadvertently staring at strangers whilst watching them).  I can keep eye contact for a few seconds then I have to look away, but I'm a naturally friendly, smiley person (like my son) and I feel the assessor didn't 'get me' and took my learnt friendliness the wrong way.  I'm having to lodge a complaint which fills me with dread, but a correct diagnosis is very important to me.  Has anyone else come across this, or feel their ability to 'act' normal was used against them in an assessment?

Parents

  • There was a programme on channel 4 called Are You Autistic and it showed autistic children learning emotions with robots. It is still available on their catch up service as I only watched it the other day. 

    I personally think we can learn emotional cues, especially autistic women as we often spend time with neurotypical women who tend to be more outwardly emotional than their male counterparts. I think I am definitely hypersensitive to other people and their emotions. My own emotional response isn't always "right" but I'm very reflective and intelligent and can usually come to the right conclusions if I give things time and consideration. 

  • in reply to M

    Most NT women I've met use and abuse the non-verbal communication to manipulate men - I can see what's happening but I can't understand the rules.

    I see them flash every possible emotion and expression (almost like a locksmith attacking a safe) until they find the combination to get the man to do what they want.     Fascinating to watch from the sidelines  Smiley.  

    It doesn't work on me - I can't process it fast enough - I appear as an enigma to them when really it's just that I'm not understanding the message..

    I doubt if that can be learnt - it's done so naturally and at such speed.

  • in reply to Plastic

    How did you know that they are NT? A lot of us autistic women don't even realise we are autistic until adulthood, but many of us have NT partners and can sustain relationships. 

  • in reply to M

    I was referring more to the skills required to read the non-verbal messages in real time - NTs can magically just do it and respond in real time - we don't seem to be able to keep up.

    I've met so many people I can spot aspie men and women from a mile away.    The logic being if they're not aspie, they're NT.        There's no rules about not being able to have relationships with NTs or AS people - it's just they are easy to spot.     

    I'm very aspie and also very good at masking - but the clues are there if you know what to look for - it's even easier in social situations to spot the awkward ones looking to escape.  Smiley

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  • in reply to M

    I was referring more to the skills required to read the non-verbal messages in real time - NTs can magically just do it and respond in real time - we don't seem to be able to keep up.

    I've met so many people I can spot aspie men and women from a mile away.    The logic being if they're not aspie, they're NT.        There's no rules about not being able to have relationships with NTs or AS people - it's just they are easy to spot.     

    I'm very aspie and also very good at masking - but the clues are there if you know what to look for - it's even easier in social situations to spot the awkward ones looking to escape.  Smiley

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