I dont even know where to begin. After years of being unsuccessful in employment - either being sacked or bullied, i have found myself applying for ESA.
The psychological damage that has been caused trying to be a part of society has left me on medication. I wake each morning shaking with fear, usually this is after a night of sleep walking and nightmares.
I relunctantly came to the realisation that i needed to be on ESA. The application form was intimidating and very stressful as i worded each issue i dealt with on a day to day basis. I felt i poured my darkest secrets of how life as an adult with aspergers really is and it hurt. But i needed to do this to survive.
Last week i recived a letter to say i needed to attend a medical assesment to see if i was capable for work. I attended this today.
As i had feared the whole meeting was very distressing, intrusive and completely inappropriate in regards to aspergers syndrome - or 'disease' as the healthcare advisor called it!!!
My reflexs were examined, i was asked to squat, lift my arms, bend my legs, what my hobbies were, did i use a mobile? did i go on the internet? did i play games? all baffling all invasive and all to tick boxes.
I have avoided reading much about ATOS - the private company paid to assess us; 'lying theiving bastards' but from panoramas programme earlier this week, i feel that this is not an assesment to help those with aspergers. I am scared for the result and distraught at how this has left me feeling even more isolated and desperate than before.
