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NAS71761
  1. I'm really struggling at the moment. I am awaiting a diagnosis for autism. Does anybody else struggle with relationships. I have been with my partner for 17 years and thought we had a pretty solid relationship until recently. We went on holiday last year to a place I had been before over 20 years ago with an ex. I didn't think this would be a problem but my other half has gone ballistic saying she can't believe I would go somewhere with my ex. My ex didn't even cross my mind when booking the holiday I just wanted to go there because I knew my partner would enjoy it. Can anyone give me any advice as I'm devastated that she is so upset but at the same time I don't understand it because I wouldn't have a problem if things were reversed. TIA.
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  • Some people get very strange about the life you had before you let them. Its not something that's ever concerned me. I know my husband had a life and other partners before he met me and that's fine. Has your wife been sensitive about events/places related to your ex before?

    Also, did she find out the connection after or during the trip? Maybe she'd have been more ok with it if she'd known before? I would suggest trying to explain to your wife that you booked that destination because you were thinking of her, not your ex, and that you didn't mention the previous trip because that past relationship isn't something that matters or that you think about anymore, which is why you didn't think to mention it (assuming that's the case, of course).

    It sounds like your wife is feeling a little insecure at the moment. Do you know of anything that stressing her out or may have knocked her confidence? It might not necessarily be to do with you or your relationship, but the results could show up there.

  • in reply to Meeples

    I could have sworn we'd spoke about it b4 I booked it even my daughter said the same thing. She knows everything about me and my past I've never hidden anything from her. It was only yesterday when me and my Daughter were talking about different places there that it came up in conversation and my partner totally lost it saying I'd deceived her and who in their right mind would go somewhere they had been with an ex

  • in reply to NAS71761

    If that's the case then I would say that it sounds more and more like the root of her reaction is elsewhere. I would suggest you try and reassure her, apologise for inadvertently misleading her (though you can also be clear that you genuinely thought she knew and you weren't trying to deceive her in any way) and maybe look out for other things in her life that could be causing her to feel sensitive or scared or insecure right now.

  • in reply to Meeples

    Thanks for the advice. I tried apologising to her yesterday and got told it was too late she would never trust me again and I should move out. I wish I knew what other things could be up with her but she's point black refusing to speak to me and if I enter a room she leaves. Its killing me to think I've hurt her so much

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  • in reply to Meeples

    Thanks for the advice. I tried apologising to her yesterday and got told it was too late she would never trust me again and I should move out. I wish I knew what other things could be up with her but she's point black refusing to speak to me and if I enter a room she leaves. Its killing me to think I've hurt her so much

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