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Exquisite Terrible Paradox

JJ
over 3 years ago

Hi,

 

I have autism.

 

I do not have that diagnosis, or any therapist or anyone telling me that.

 

I have been hiding in denial for 20 years, even through therapy and psychiatry.

 

My professional career - now burned - had scientific rigour, heuristics, formal logic and systems analysis at it's core.

 

My self doubt drives fascinations with cognitive biases, metaphor and irony. My love of words is exquisite.

 

I cannot - try as I might, with absolute fervour - dispute the hypothesis that I have autism.

 

I am delighted, terrified, filled with self doubt, totally free and holding my breath all at the same time.

 

I can chill out. I have the strategies. I keep [expletive] forgetting them or ignoring them.

 

I have the strongest, weakest mind ever. Which is to say, I'm normal, I have autism.

 

I am desperate for someone to look me in the face and tell me it's true and it's ok.

 

Thanks for /rant.

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    what are your IT skills ?  

  • over 3 years ago in reply to aidie

    I was a (senior etc) database administrator - ms sql server, very large implementations super high availability etc etc - all the cool the stuff, as far as i'm conerned! previous to that I did a lot of business system integration work

    however - it may have been a mistake to go into IT,  or at least, I wasn't careful enough to keep it as a passion and a 'cold, rigorous profession' simultaneously. not sure if that makes sense...

Reply
  • over 3 years ago in reply to aidie

    I was a (senior etc) database administrator - ms sql server, very large implementations super high availability etc etc - all the cool the stuff, as far as i'm conerned! previous to that I did a lot of business system integration work

    however - it may have been a mistake to go into IT,  or at least, I wasn't careful enough to keep it as a passion and a 'cold, rigorous profession' simultaneously. not sure if that makes sense...

Children
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