Relationship Troubles

Hi Ellicia, I can empathise, I've probably been more single than in relationships and got to the point in my Thirties where I found being on my own and living my life far more enjoyable as I could just live on my own terms and rules - I think I was single for about 5 years.

I'm with someone now (for the past 2 years) who is also on the spectrum and has ADHD so we've not had a straightforward ride, and I've also struggled with emotional shutdowns and needing my own space and time to figure out what the hell I was feeling and how to communicate it, whereas he needs immediate communication and resolution. We've lived together throughout covid which has been nice (not to be completely isolated) but also challenging as I need regular 'laying in a dark room in silence' breaks and just uninterrupted space and time for myself, whereas my partner prefers to be constantly on, listening to stuff or watching stuff (or both at the same time lol) - I think the thing that helps is that we both have an experience of how our minds work differently from others (and each others), so it's helped with the understanding part of things. I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably only ever function with someone who is also on the spectrum who has experienced how differently they function and how hard it is for anyone who hasn't to understand your behaviours... and part of me still thinks that even if I was alone again I'd function very well.

Hi Ellicia, I can empathise, I've probably been more single than in relationships and got to the point in my Thirties where I found being on my own and living my life far more enjoyable as I could just live on my own terms and rules - I think I was single for about 5 years.

I'm with someone now (for the past 2 years) who is also on the spectrum and has ADHD so we've not had a straightforward ride, and I've also struggled with emotional shutdowns and needing my own space and time to figure out what the hell I was feeling and how to communicate it, whereas he needs immediate communication and resolution. We've lived together throughout covid which has been nice (not to be completely isolated) but also challenging as I need regular 'laying in a dark room in silence' breaks and just uninterrupted space and time for myself, whereas my partner prefers to be constantly on, listening to stuff or watching stuff (or both at the same time lol) - I think the thing that helps is that we both have an experience of how our minds work differently from others (and each others), so it's helped with the understanding part of things. I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably only ever function with someone who is also on the spectrum who has experienced how differently they function and how hard it is for anyone who hasn't to understand your behaviours... and part of me still thinks that even if I was alone again I'd function very well.

Funny enough what you’ve explain there is the opposite for me I’m the one who needs the resolution sometimes and my ex was the one who needed shut off points more and I sometimes do the shutdown and have to have space myself I have different moods on different days atm though I’m going through emotional numbness which is not nice as it’s not got so bad before hoping I’ll feel like myself soon but yeah I don’t seem to do too bad by myself it’s just sad that my problems pulled us apart and I don’t feel he ever really understood I think in future to be with a person like myself maybe would be better for me but for now I am focusing on working through my struggles