Assessment via Zoom

UPDATE:

So I had my assessment ... In all honesty, it wasn't amazing. It was okay that I had someone else fill in the form and my parents were hardly brought into it, which is good. But the assessment itself was hard for me. I didn't feel as though I was very listened to or supported by the psychologist who was interviewing me. In fact, some of her responses felt quite judgemental which then made it harder to open up later in the interview.

The first half an hour was spent looking into possibilities other than autism. The last hour and a half was directed specially for autism. I think what made it more difficult was that I was expecting more of a conversation and instead I got very fixed interview questions, which I guess I should have been prepared for.

She also immediately assumed I was straight (I'm gay), with lots of questions about whether I'd ever had a boyfriend, or whether I wanted one and because this made me feel so uncomfortable I didn't feel as though I was ready to come out to a complete stranger. The questions made me feel worse and worse about myself as we went along because I didn't get a chance to explain anything in my own words, but was instead given a very fixed framework in which to answer. This might have something to do with typical autism questionnaires being written with men in mind instead of women, but this might be a bit of a reach. 

All in all, I left the interview feeling quite drained and upset, and all that's left now is to wait for my results. 

Hi kazamo,

Well done (and I really mean this) for going for the assessment and seeing it through. It isn't the easiest of experiences because it's not something like a blood test or a conversation about a specific issue, it's an assessment of how you respond to things, capturing your perspectives and behaviours. It isn't easy to be under that type of scrutiny (thinks about the last real job interview that bombed horribly). 

If it helps, some of the exercises I was asked to do in mine really didn't make sense (some of them involved shapes, picture books, and describing pictures) and I was torn between completing the activity and asking just exactly why I was being asked to do them. I think I expected to be introduced to each task and given the reason as to why I was doing it (this is to test....) then I was wondering if by not being given a reason I was being assessed on whether I would ask about the purpose of the test, but if I did, what would be read into that. Then I was wondering how that would affect the result....

Fortunately I'm a psychology graduate (long time ago) - although I don't have any special insights, wish I did -  I've read enough studies to know that when being assessed for things, or participating in research, people are asked to do some pretty "off" stuff that in everyday life wouldn't make sense. By "trusting the process" I decided not to second guess anything. That made things a little easier.  

Your reaction afterwards is completely understandable. I was totally disorientated by mine. I'm used to "knowing my stuff" and people responding positively to that (an over-reliance on focusing on work in my life) so the whole assessment knocked me off kilter. What made it harder is that during my assessment there was some general chit-chat which I found very difficult to cope with. I couldn't switch from the mindset of what I was being tasked to do with holding a social conversation which I actually felt was intrusive. In some respects it felt a little unfair, but I figured it made sense to accept the responses I gave under the conditions presented. I realise I'm horribly paranoid in new situations, or even unexpected ones, because I haven't figured out what's required of me and I become very defensive. I mask it all and turn it all inwards but it doesn't make it any easier. 

The fixed interview questions will be some assessment figured out by a bunch of psychologists. They can seem pretty blunt - there'll be a whole body of research out there detailing how those questions were formulated, the populations they were tested on, how effective they were in capturing certain traits. It can seem horribly clinical and in a sense - it is, it'll be a standardized assessment.  However, and this is a huge kudos to you - your point in how autism questionnaires are designed is a really insightful one. There's a researcher out there, Prof Francesca Happé, and one of her areas of interest is exploring the differences in assessment and diagnosis between men and women with suspected autism.

I was asked questions about close relationships too (whether I had any, whether I understood why they were desirable), also about what friendships I had, whether I do small talk with strangers and whether I'd been abroad ....I never could work out the relevance of that last one. Looking back, they do make sense - and I realised my responses were being taken and would be used in combination with the other assessments to work out whether I was on the spectrum. As indicators by themselves they probably wouldn't mean much.

The waiting can be difficult - like waiting for exam results or outcome of a job interview (both of which have been horrendous experiences on more than one occasion for me during my lifetime). The only advice I can offer is to be kind to yourself and take your time with how you process everything - this is the difficult bit because of the uncertainty of the outcome. 

Hang in there.

Best wishes. 

E

Hi kazamo,

Well done (and I really mean this) for going for the assessment and seeing it through. It isn't the easiest of experiences because it's not something like a blood test or a conversation about a specific issue, it's an assessment of how you respond to things, capturing your perspectives and behaviours. It isn't easy to be under that type of scrutiny (thinks about the last real job interview that bombed horribly). 

If it helps, some of the exercises I was asked to do in mine really didn't make sense (some of them involved shapes, picture books, and describing pictures) and I was torn between completing the activity and asking just exactly why I was being asked to do them. I think I expected to be introduced to each task and given the reason as to why I was doing it (this is to test....) then I was wondering if by not being given a reason I was being assessed on whether I would ask about the purpose of the test, but if I did, what would be read into that. Then I was wondering how that would affect the result....

Fortunately I'm a psychology graduate (long time ago) - although I don't have any special insights, wish I did -  I've read enough studies to know that when being assessed for things, or participating in research, people are asked to do some pretty "off" stuff that in everyday life wouldn't make sense. By "trusting the process" I decided not to second guess anything. That made things a little easier.  

Your reaction afterwards is completely understandable. I was totally disorientated by mine. I'm used to "knowing my stuff" and people responding positively to that (an over-reliance on focusing on work in my life) so the whole assessment knocked me off kilter. What made it harder is that during my assessment there was some general chit-chat which I found very difficult to cope with. I couldn't switch from the mindset of what I was being tasked to do with holding a social conversation which I actually felt was intrusive. In some respects it felt a little unfair, but I figured it made sense to accept the responses I gave under the conditions presented. I realise I'm horribly paranoid in new situations, or even unexpected ones, because I haven't figured out what's required of me and I become very defensive. I mask it all and turn it all inwards but it doesn't make it any easier. 

The fixed interview questions will be some assessment figured out by a bunch of psychologists. They can seem pretty blunt - there'll be a whole body of research out there detailing how those questions were formulated, the populations they were tested on, how effective they were in capturing certain traits. It can seem horribly clinical and in a sense - it is, it'll be a standardized assessment.  However, and this is a huge kudos to you - your point in how autism questionnaires are designed is a really insightful one. There's a researcher out there, Prof Francesca Happé, and one of her areas of interest is exploring the differences in assessment and diagnosis between men and women with suspected autism.

I was asked questions about close relationships too (whether I had any, whether I understood why they were desirable), also about what friendships I had, whether I do small talk with strangers and whether I'd been abroad ....I never could work out the relevance of that last one. Looking back, they do make sense - and I realised my responses were being taken and would be used in combination with the other assessments to work out whether I was on the spectrum. As indicators by themselves they probably wouldn't mean much.

The waiting can be difficult - like waiting for exam results or outcome of a job interview (both of which have been horrendous experiences on more than one occasion for me during my lifetime). The only advice I can offer is to be kind to yourself and take your time with how you process everything - this is the difficult bit because of the uncertainty of the outcome. 

Hang in there.

Best wishes. 

E