Assessment via Zoom

Hi kazamo,

Well done (and I really mean this) for going for the assessment and seeing it through. It isn't the easiest of experiences because it's not something like a blood test or a conversation about a specific issue, it's an assessment of how you respond to things, capturing your perspectives and behaviours. It isn't easy to be under that type of scrutiny (thinks about the last real job interview that bombed horribly). 

If it helps, some of the exercises I was asked to do in mine really didn't make sense (some of them involved shapes, picture books, and describing pictures) and I was torn between completing the activity and asking just exactly why I was being asked to do them. I think I expected to be introduced to each task and given the reason as to why I was doing it (this is to test....) then I was wondering if by not being given a reason I was being assessed on whether I would ask about the purpose of the test, but if I did, what would be read into that. Then I was wondering how that would affect the result....

Fortunately I'm a psychology graduate (long time ago) - although I don't have any special insights, wish I did -  I've read enough studies to know that when being assessed for things, or participating in research, people are asked to do some pretty "off" stuff that in everyday life wouldn't make sense. By "trusting the process" I decided not to second guess anything. That made things a little easier.  

Your reaction afterwards is completely understandable. I was totally disorientated by mine. I'm used to "knowing my stuff" and people responding positively to that (an over-reliance on focusing on work in my life) so the whole assessment knocked me off kilter. What made it harder is that during my assessment there was some general chit-chat which I found very difficult to cope with. I couldn't switch from the mindset of what I was being tasked to do with holding a social conversation which I actually felt was intrusive. In some respects it felt a little unfair, but I figured it made sense to accept the responses I gave under the conditions presented. I realise I'm horribly paranoid in new situations, or even unexpected ones, because I haven't figured out what's required of me and I become very defensive. I mask it all and turn it all inwards but it doesn't make it any easier. 

The fixed interview questions will be some assessment figured out by a bunch of psychologists. They can seem pretty blunt - there'll be a whole body of research out there detailing how those questions were formulated, the populations they were tested on, how effective they were in capturing certain traits. It can seem horribly clinical and in a sense - it is, it'll be a standardized assessment.  However, and this is a huge kudos to you - your point in how autism questionnaires are designed is a really insightful one. There's a researcher out there, Prof Francesca Happé, and one of her areas of interest is exploring the differences in assessment and diagnosis between men and women with suspected autism.

I was asked questions about close relationships too (whether I had any, whether I understood why they were desirable), also about what friendships I had, whether I do small talk with strangers and whether I'd been abroad ....I never could work out the relevance of that last one. Looking back, they do make sense - and I realised my responses were being taken and would be used in combination with the other assessments to work out whether I was on the spectrum. As indicators by themselves they probably wouldn't mean much.

The waiting can be difficult - like waiting for exam results or outcome of a job interview (both of which have been horrendous experiences on more than one occasion for me during my lifetime). The only advice I can offer is to be kind to yourself and take your time with how you process everything - this is the difficult bit because of the uncertainty of the outcome. 

Hang in there.

Best wishes. 

E

UPDATE:

So I had my assessment ... In all honesty, it wasn't amazing. It was okay that I had someone else fill in the form and my parents were hardly brought into it, which is good. But the assessment itself was hard for me. I didn't feel as though I was very listened to or supported by the psychologist who was interviewing me. In fact, some of her responses felt quite judgemental which then made it harder to open up later in the interview.

The first half an hour was spent looking into possibilities other than autism. The last hour and a half was directed specially for autism. I think what made it more difficult was that I was expecting more of a conversation and instead I got very fixed interview questions, which I guess I should have been prepared for.

She also immediately assumed I was straight (I'm gay), with lots of questions about whether I'd ever had a boyfriend, or whether I wanted one and because this made me feel so uncomfortable I didn't feel as though I was ready to come out to a complete stranger. The questions made me feel worse and worse about myself as we went along because I didn't get a chance to explain anything in my own words, but was instead given a very fixed framework in which to answer. This might have something to do with typical autism questionnaires being written with men in mind instead of women, but this might be a bit of a reach. 

All in all, I left the interview feeling quite drained and upset, and all that's left now is to wait for my results. 

np

Sorry I didn't see your reply. I agree with you both. I think you make such an important point Aidie.  I try not to use the term "NT". ..it further reinforces differences and divides. I think I'm really lucky in that "my vibe is my tribe"..whatever neurological status my friends are...we are quite similar. 

yes thats pretty much what happened to me. yes this means I understand NT people much better and am not bigoted towards NTs, in fact the term "Neurotypical" is inaccurate and way too dual-ist  ( them and us, its their fault type of thinking ).

Yeah being raised as a 'normal kid' is maybe the best strategy if autism isn't causing massive issues. I recently found out that my school told my parents they thought I was autistic, but they decided to do nothing because I was good academically. I think you learn to blend in better if no-one is making allowances for you (and you're not making allowances for yourself) but it is kind of tough to not know why you feel different.

Seconded - hope it went ok kazamo

How did it go? x

You're more than welcome. Glad it helped 

Thanks Ethan! That’s actually helped me a lot :) 

I had a similar issue on childhood history - I'm in my forties and both my parents have passed (not that it would have made a difference, had they been around, they would have said I had been fine anyway and never had any problems.). I don't have any siblings and people I knew from childhood I left behind a long time ago.  A work colleague completed my informant questionnaire and that was enough for my assessment team. 

In the sense of the assessment itself all I can say is, try not to worry (I know!), put your expectations aside, trust the process and accept it may feel a bit weird in places because you might be asked things that don't seem relevant - they're just collecting information about you to help them with the diagnosis. 

Don't feel you can't ask questions before you start and do mention how you feel ("I feel nervous today because of...."). I find just telling someone else that I'm feeling something is helpful in itself.

Good luck. Whatever happens - You'll be fine.

yes she didnt speak for 10 minutes but then she was OK. she raised me as a Normal Kid which i think was a good strategy in that I assumed I was normal and did everything without thinking.  I have been in jobs where autistics are still not allowed LOL  

Aidie, have you ever told your mum of your diagnosis? 

my mum couldn't attend my assessment  because she was just out of hospital but in my case the assessors said in my case it wasn't needed. My mum is autistic and does not  know  it.