Wish I’d known

The younger years - It's to build up a picture of how well you adjusted to growing up, so the psychiatrist would have been looking for how you interacted socially, your communication and language skills, any special interests or repetitive behaviours.  

I'm not sure where the psychiatrist is coming from. There's no-one who I could contact who could provide me information about my childhood so my team relied on self-report. Basically I answered the childhood questions as best I could and dumped a load of info on them which I thought was relevant and let them figure it out. That, my questionnaire, face to face assessment, informants report, and history of general psychological distress was enough to get me a diagnosis.

There is some advice on the NAS website https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/pre-diagnosis/adults Unfortunately I don't feel I'm able to give good advice about how to get an assessment. Due to the length of the NHS waiting list in my area, my employer agreed to fund my assessment with a not-for-profit service to keep me functional and in-work - and also because my companies contract with the provider for occupational health didn't cover it. I was lucky. 

I don't want to suggest going private if that's not an option for you so other than the NHS I can only suggest linking up with some autism charities in your area. They may not be able to offer a professional diagnostic (or only be able to offer one if you pay, which might not be an option) but if they recognise some of the difficulties you're having as being on the spectrum they might be able to offer some general advice and strategies to help you cope. I'm surprised at how many strategies would work for everyone - including non-autistic, I find I just need them a lot more.  

Even having a self-diagnosis from one of the online tests may help to open the conversation. They cannot replace a professional diagnosis but, like I say, it might open up the conversation with someone who can help.

I'm sorry that I can't suggest more, or there isn't a clearer path ahead, but I wish you the very best. 

Hello

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with family, friends, psychiatrist and at work. I'm glad that you're here amongst supportive people. My husband has a diagnosis of autism and I've been introduced to a lovely neurodiverse world that I feel really accepted in. But the past still hurts. Like other people have written, it could be good to have counselling, cognitive behaviour therapy and treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder and hopefully your GP and psychological therapies services will want to help. And some organisations support people without a diagnosis of autism :-)

i was diagnosed at 62. you're a kid compared to me. there was very little history from my young days: my parents were deceased, really nothing much there. yet i was diagnosed at a place that only does asd - mainly in kids, of course. i think your psychiatrist's explanation, as you describe it, is lame, frankly. 

i would encourage you to try other avenues - anything. you're letting this person block you out. sorry to put it so bluntly. you should try other avenues - other places.  other people. i was told i was NOT asd during testing for this at a university,. they did not specialize in asd - does your shrinker guy specialize in it, or not? 

a few years later, i had kept pushing. and pushing. and finally, luckily, found the place that diagnosed me ocrrectly .. lol, i mispelled correctly. ironic, huh? uh, the mispelling, or the wrong diagnosis...i digress.

but having a diagnosis at a late age is not exactly peaches and roses. anyway, hope it works out, man. 

Mena,,,,,,,,, just so she sees above reply

Hi

I could so easily been in exactly the same position - except that I was a twin so we were always treated as a composite person - the twins - so all of my odd behaviours were masked by my brother being normal - it also allowed me to have a 'working version of me' to study and copy so I could hide in plain sight as I got older.

Hi Ethan

thank you for your reply. I agree that a diagnosis would be the best thing for me but I got a partial assessment with the NHS but the psychiatrist said he couldn't actually diagnose me because there was no history from my younger years.  I don't understand why but that's what he said. 

Any suggestions would be good. 

Thank you. 

@Mena thank you I know I really wish I could not keep going down the black hole.  

Hi NAS7112

I read your post and I'm not sure how to respond, but I wanted you to know there are people here who are able to listen and although may not have all the answers (there is an amazing amount of wisdom here that's come from so many people with lived experience)  would be able just to acknowledge how you're feeling and where you are. 

You're not alone. 

On the diagnosis. I can understand why you feel that it may not make much of a difference - and my experience was the assessment was very disorientating. I've only had 3 sessions post-diagnosis with the psychologist but the insight it's given me has been invaluable. Just having that acknowledgement that my experience of the world is different to other people gave me permission to drop all the false fronts and persona's I'd adopted over the years just to survive. Although the things that stress me are still there and the world is still a very confusing place - for the first time i actually feel "me".

 I really wish I could say or advise something to help you through what you're feeling. The world we live in, and the people we trust to help us and support aren't as skilled or knowledgeable as we'd like them to be. I think people generally do care but they simply don't understand and don't know how to help. They're only talking from their perspective and their own experience - it's advice they might have heard and they think works for them and so they think it works for everybody.

Because our experience is so different - and I'm still learning as to just how different it is - those things that have been said to you are  just really, really unhelpful and hurtful. Possibly said with the right intention but out of a lack of understanding of how you see the world. Neurotypicals (or anyone really) all struggle to see the others viewpoints - it's one of the reasons why the world is such a messy, chaotic place. But if the basic way you experience the world is different, it means it's much harder for someone who experiences the world in a "normal" way to understand your experience and suggest the things which will help you. 

My diagnosis helped me to tap into the right advice and the right support. It's made a huge difference - I'm in my forties now and I was in a very different place 6 months ago - on the verge of just giving up with everything. I'd like to say I got myself out of it. I didn't. It was my manager, who I now consider a very close friend, who suggested I go for an assessment. She had no special insight. I've learned it was a night of gin and conversation with a friend who just happened to be a psychologist. 

I really hope you're able to find the help to make this easier. 

Wishing you the best.

u have described a very common experience of people with autism.  I wish this hadnt happened to you. It is just so sad.  I can recommend all sorts of things but I'm not sure that is suitable at this point.

wishing you well and an end to your suffering

I know this is is so much easier said than done, but try not to dwell too much on what could have been and instead move on with the knowledge you have now. 

I do sometimes fall into that black hole myself. I get angry at my parents (who worked with children with special needs) for not seeing that I needed help, too. I get angry at my teachers with whom I spent several occasions crying because things were too hard and I had no friends. I get angry at my old manager who caused me so much pain through her constant telling me off for my social behaviour and personality (traits I now see as so clearly autistic).

But most of the time I try not to think about it, as all it does is bringing me even more pain.

Maybe, if your family/friends are not supportive, you could find a counsellor to talk things through with?