• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 85 subscribers
  • Views 2858 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Empathy v sympathy

Jarvis

Good morning! 

I score very low on the EQ/FQ test. My other half scores nearly 80 !? This seems to be another thing on her list of things that aren't working in our relationship. Last night she texts me concerned about money, I offered to pay some money into her account and this led to a whole stream of messages about how she wanted to be in a relationship with someone who took care of her and the house and that she didn't want money. She is now saying I don't understand her anymore (like a diagnosis changed me...) 

I am confused. If someone has a problem (no money) and you can help doesn't that mean the problem has gone away?! 

I've done a bit of reading on empathy and I'm trying to learn how to be better at it but it still seems a bit pointless at times. I could have just said "oh! That's terrible, you must be really concerned." But how does that help?! 

If anyone has any suggestions on books to read or better yet an instruction manual please let me know! 

Parents

  • This is something I've had thousands of talks/discussions with my wife about - before we were aware of my autism Slight smile

    I score very low on EQ/FQ tests as well. I guess that's why I've never understood my impact on the world around me. I've always felt like I was more of an observer to what was going on. 

    However, I've learned now to check in occasionally and respond with "I understand - it must be difficult" when my wife is emotionally upset for one reason or another. In other words, I accept that I don't understand and make an effort to do what she needs. It's very much like trying to adapt to a foreign culture to fit in with it. 

    So far, it has worked really well :) 

Reply

  • This is something I've had thousands of talks/discussions with my wife about - before we were aware of my autism Slight smile

    I score very low on EQ/FQ tests as well. I guess that's why I've never understood my impact on the world around me. I've always felt like I was more of an observer to what was going on. 

    However, I've learned now to check in occasionally and respond with "I understand - it must be difficult" when my wife is emotionally upset for one reason or another. In other words, I accept that I don't understand and make an effort to do what she needs. It's very much like trying to adapt to a foreign culture to fit in with it. 

    So far, it has worked really well :) 

Children
No Data