Personal space

I still live at home with my mum, and she has just dropped the major bombshell that her boyfriend needs to move in urgently because he can’t live in his current property anymore.

I am a complete anxious wreck about the whole thing for many reasons. I don’t want to go too much into some of the reasons, but the main one is that I really struggle with personal space. I struggle to live with anyone outside of my direct family because of this, and know that I will constantly feel on edge in my own home. Already when he comes over I avoid being in the same room as him because I don’t know him very well. Also, I really struggle with people interrupting my routine, e.g. if he was to be in the bathroom when I wanted to be. Additionally, I can’t cope with them being affectionate towards each other around me.

I already struggle being in a household the size it is already and I feel like adding someone else to the mix will really make me stressed, and with being in lockdown, and having nowhere else to go, I feel completely stuck.

Unfortunately, I’m currently jumping from temp to temp job so I am not in a position to move out and rent, but it feels like my mum isn’t really giving me an option here.

Please help me on what I can do to cope here.

Parents
  • i can completely relate to your feelings and emotions, as i feel similarly.... um... so, i guess i'd advise trying to negotiate, first with your mum, for your needs, and having them recognized. that might be hard......  hopefully this bf will be open to your needs. so is there a chance he's a nice guy? 

    you could create a 'safe space' for yourself to retreat to..........where you don't have to deal with people, sounds, etc.  the bathroom thing, the need for your own regimen.... those might be challenging, but if your other needs are met, maybe they're manageable?

  • Yes I think all of these points are so wise, and I know they definitely need to be done. I haven’t emerged from my room since she told me and she’s tried to talk but I haven’t been ready, but I think this is a good conversation to have. 

    I hope that he’s a nice guy but I am often a terrible judge of character, so I am very cautious. 

  • i hope it all works out. maybe it will take some time. is your mum a good judge of character? hopefully she is. i'm assuming you are asd, and so at least have some recognition in your needs for personal space, regimen, social space, etc...  

  • Yes, however I’m recently diagnosed and feel there hasn’t been much acknowledgement or understanding for my needs as of late. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been a good judge of character in the past (another reason why I’m uncomfortable) so it is making it very difficult :( 

Reply
  • Yes, however I’m recently diagnosed and feel there hasn’t been much acknowledgement or understanding for my needs as of late. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been a good judge of character in the past (another reason why I’m uncomfortable) so it is making it very difficult :( 

Children
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