Don't like to be touched

Yep i hate my back or head being touched just makes my skin crawl.i idea of having a massage is crazy ,

I understand what you mean and I know visiting the past can be painful and processing it can take time but for me it was necessary. Everyone finds their own way I guess. I don't think I had any choice in the end but to confront it and come to terms with it through understanding. Painful as it was,  ( in my case ) I came away with powerful insights into what was stored in my body's memory and why. Right from my earliest memories of environment onwards. I was also very surprised to find how many traits & behavior patterns I had inherited from both parents in my own psyche. Eerily so. Looking back at my own life, I see now how these body memories were barriers for me and how some of these repetitive, emotional patterns I had experienced for much of my life were also present, unconsciously in both parents collectively and were their greatest barriers and causes of suffering too. These are only the negatives of course. There are positives too and everyone's upbringing or environment will differ. I think I had always blocked and buried these repetitive emotions/feelings rather than understand them and I paid heavily for that.

It can be overwhelming but in my case, it wouldn't let me go without dealing with it all. Understanding the ' why ' part was imperative for me. I don't think I compartmentalise  it anymore as much into categories like upbringing or Autism. In the grand scheme of things, in the bigger picture, these are only words after all that humans have made up to communicate with each other and we call it language. We are often told acceptance is key and it is but there isn't one road for everyone. I had to take my own road and there were a few rabbit holes along the way but they are easier to spot now.

For me, it was understanding why. Or simply - understanding. 

I feel sensitive and mindful of the fact that everyone's upbringing and body memory will be different ( and I have to emphasize that I am speaking here only of mine.) From one end, some have experienced horrible trauma, while at the other, it can be puzzling to see how environment played a part at all in their disorder. 

It took me a while to process the relationships or differences/confusion between brain development, environment, inter-generational stress, genes and biology and the theories of Dr Mate and others but I think I am getting it now. 

My wife can be like this - she's most definitely on the spectrum. For her, it has made a difference to understand how the periodic cycle affects her. Also, arguments tend to close her as well. So yeah, I recognize that as well. 

For me, I only like touches from my wife and kids. Anyone else should keep their distance. I've learned to hug in social gatherings, but I do not like it. 

My psychologist would agree with you. Since my diagnosis I do want to unpick my psyche and say this is to do with x  % autism and y % upbringing but there's no way to do that without disappearing down a rabbit hole so I guess that'll have to be one of those mysteries that I'll have to learn to live with.

Reading people's lockdown experiences, and how they miss touch in everyday life, is an indicator for me as to how important it is in emotional regulation and stability - and that sense of connection with others. 

For me touching is strange.

In my family we never really touched as children, it was mostly physical violence.  I expect other people/families have had very different experiences, so touching may seem natural.

The exception was my pet cats, they enjoyed being touched and stroked.  And I found their touch and cuddle to be very relaxing.

I’ve never liked being touched, but my partner was an exception to the rule, but yesterday I really disliked Him touching me and tensed up. He noticed. Now I’m dreading the next time, I don’t know why, we’ve not had an argument, so I don’t know what’s changed. 

Ethan said:

Yep. I don't do touch - although I wonder how much of that is due to emotionally absent parents.

Quite a lot I would say. I would also add - emotionally immature, emotionally unstable, emotionally insecure, emotionally confused or emotionally closed to the list that can be passed on, transferred, picked -up on, copied, acted-out - by sensitive children of such parent/s. I'm not an expert so I'm kinda reluctant to use the word hereditary but that's how it feels like to me.

i haven't hugged anyone in my family since i can remember. i'm 65. but i can hug total strangers, sometimes. it helps if they're female and somewhat attractive. i think i kind of mix up sexual attraction and emotional intimacy, sometimes. anyone else? this would seem to me to be a problem endemic to aspieness. i can't figure those things out. they're kind of mixed up. i figure that's asd related, lack of emotional maturity, lack of empathy. all CLEARLY asd related, in my book.

if i smoke cannabis, i can become more empathetic and vulnerable.

i hug about a quarter of a person a year, or 1 person every four years. or two people every eight. 

Yep. I don't do touch - although I wonder how much of that is due to emotionally absent parents. Or maybe I just doubt the sincerity of the gesture. I can do it if I have to, there's no warmth in it and it doesn't come naturally.

Quite happy for a cat to park himself on my chest though.

I don't like to be touched. Main reason is because my skin hurts and touches are painful. Secondary reason is that it feels weird. I get irritated.  I make myself hug hubby and children but I don't enjoy it, I do it for their sake. 

I can definitely relate to this. There are certain moments and certain time of day when I don't like to be touched. When I'm angry or upset is one of the times. I'd rather want to be alone and process it my way until I'm ready to come around again.

I understand I hate being touched by anyone but immediate family or partner. And after any argument I don't want to be touched at all, but I do allow it and find myself just standing/lying there whilst getting hugged feeling myself tense up waiting for it to end, it takes time for me to settle back down after any confrontation 

What about me? 

is She ok ?  forget about the poxy money

Yeah I used to hug her all the time, but she's started lying about me to others and even lied to my face. She's in a deluded reality. Making up stories. For example she took money out of my workbag and blamed the kids, who are 4 and 2??

I can totally relate to the not wanting to be touched. When I’m upset about something I definitely do not want a hug, or touching of any kind.

My partner finds this hard, as he’s the kind of person who needs a hug when he’s upset (I’ve learned to give him one even if it feels unnatural to me in that moment)... but he’s slowly starting to get it now (or at least accepts it). Sometimes he moves in for a hug and I’m like “I don’t want that right now”, or he will ask me if I want a hug.

However, I don’t think it’s ever lasted a week. It usually lasts until I recover from whichever situation put me on the edge, whether it being an hour or a day.