Does anyone feel like...

Does anyone feel like they are defective with their diagnosis? It’s a term I use to describe myself a lot and I’m always berated for it by others - mostly professionals - but I am very literal in what I say so my choice of word I believe is correct. I grant a lack of self worth is a factor in how I evaluate myself but I don’t think calling myself defective (or weird is the other label I give myself) is in any way unfair.

Evidentially: I can’t make friends for trying, my outlooks on the world and others are abstract, I can’t cope with some basic things many can - defective right? 

Parents
  • I think I know where you're coming from - although getting my diagnosis was a huge relief I still find myself ill-equipped to deal with some work situations which I find frustrating (I'm 46 now). I inadvertently end up comparing myself unfavourably with other people - especially if I have to ask for an adjustment to make things easier. 

    I'm teaching myself that seeing and understanding the world as I do isn't defective - it's just different.  

  • that’s what I’ve been told to do - but I can’t shake it because I know i’m defective... it’s frustrating - I sometimes think if I was an animal someone would have taken me to the vets to be put d  out en by now. 

  • There are a few people out there who have a vested interest in getting you to permanently label yourself as defective. I don't know about you, but my self-image drifts all over the place. I can't really label myself for any great length of time as just one thing, So I am absolutely certain that others are incapable of making a label stick to me for any great length of time. So mess up their day for them a bit by not doing their dirty work for them! And have some fun doing it!

  • I'm not sure if it's an honest label (bear with me) - socially I lack a lot of skills (something which I overhead someone say at work once years ago and it really stung!) and I avoid social events which is difficult for some to understand. I berated myself a lot over the years because I struggled just being with people. 

    Fortunately I'm in work at the moment - so although I can't navigate the social networking or some of the ambiguity at managerial grades and some of my thought processes when I'm figuring stuff out can be difficult for people to follow, I've been in many a work situation where I've seen solutions to things where others haven't or resolved issues that seem to have evaded everyone else which is a boost. 

    Reading about other people's vulnerabilities has helped. Brene Brown (non-aspie), an American professor who has written on the topic is brutally honest about her own challenges - there's something that helps when reading about others lived experience.

    I think if anyone is taken out of their comfort zone for long enough they would struggle. My view of ASD is that because of our unique outlook on the world we're pretty much out of our comfort zone every day - and the tools and support we need to navigate the world aren't always there. More reason for us to stop judging ourselves by others standards and to be kinder to ourselves. 

Reply
  • I'm not sure if it's an honest label (bear with me) - socially I lack a lot of skills (something which I overhead someone say at work once years ago and it really stung!) and I avoid social events which is difficult for some to understand. I berated myself a lot over the years because I struggled just being with people. 

    Fortunately I'm in work at the moment - so although I can't navigate the social networking or some of the ambiguity at managerial grades and some of my thought processes when I'm figuring stuff out can be difficult for people to follow, I've been in many a work situation where I've seen solutions to things where others haven't or resolved issues that seem to have evaded everyone else which is a boost. 

    Reading about other people's vulnerabilities has helped. Brene Brown (non-aspie), an American professor who has written on the topic is brutally honest about her own challenges - there's something that helps when reading about others lived experience.

    I think if anyone is taken out of their comfort zone for long enough they would struggle. My view of ASD is that because of our unique outlook on the world we're pretty much out of our comfort zone every day - and the tools and support we need to navigate the world aren't always there. More reason for us to stop judging ourselves by others standards and to be kinder to ourselves. 

Children
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