Why i cant look at the positives in life anymore of achievements to make

Where do i begin in nursery teacher asked my mum and dad if i knew how to talk i did at home coz was in safe comfortable environment then in primary school i stood still in the play ground had no friends didnt know how to interact with people literally froze felt lost group of girls started picking on me i couldnt defend myself ran away they chased me was terrified i did tell the teachers but the girls put an act on of being nice infront of them to me then other girls id try to talk to but werent interested. Middle school things got worse i was still being bullied i couldnt understand why i couldnt stick up for myself got called a cry baby for being upset all the time wanting my mum teachers werent understanding humilated me infront the whole class i wrote down a whole page thinking what miss ives meant she was fuming ripped up page after page expecting me to do it till i understood it i just wanted to be at home. Then high school was the worst got physically bullied tripped over on purpose coz of being clumsy laughed at made rude songs with my name in spat tic tacs in my hair put chewing gum in my hair pushed me over i just couldnt stick up for myself. People pretebd to be my friend go round a girls house so excited someone giving me attention bk how wrong i was took me hostage in her bedroom put horror films on to make me have meltdowns the same girl accused me of abusing her another girl i thought was my friend stuck up for her coz she had bruises on her arm the headteacher believed i did it till my mum dragged me in with the girls mum and the so called viçtim daughter she admitted she done to herself. I never had full lessons i had counselling for my mental health coz was suicidal not wanting to be at school i got called anorexic for not eating my lumch i didnt like people watching me still not knowing was on the spectrum. I knew i didnt feel like i belonged in this world as for teachers all they cared about was bollocking me for missing mock exams i got told ignore the bullies bullying continued. I started to join a club up the wreck the bully was there and brought along a horror chucky doll she said it moves like its real and going to come after me well got in a massive meltdown hyperventilating panic attack she found it funny. EVERYONE WAS HUMILATING ME EVEN THE TEACHERS. College i started first year of Nvq Level 1 in beauty and massage at city college was uncomfortable girls were all bitchy when having treatments done the amount of foldees were to pressurizing for me and when i found out not long after being diagnosed with aspergers the proffesionals said that was the worst course i should of avoided. I eventually went bk to city college did Btec level 1 art that was a positive year then coz i achieved level 1 went onto level 2 to achieve to become an proffesional artist my tutor humilated me coz i didnt want to answer questions and show me up infront the class didnt understand me and i misunderstood her instruction alot was that terrified i couldnt ask for help. Tried to make friends but struggled with conversations repeating myself got bulllied emotionally by people i thought was my friends ended up hiding a bottle of alcohol coz couldnt cope to sip to get through the afternoon. I pushed myself to achieve coz wanted to be an artist so much then when it came to deciding about level 3 it mentioned travelling to places well instantly it put me off coz i cant be away fŕom my family i cant cope with travel one my barriers of aspergers. I went and done 6 month in a bead shop sparkle and flare got mistreated there by the owner of the shop explained i do things at my own pace cant do several tasks at once that is exactly what she did complained coz i was to slow to finish the first task then moaned at coz expected me to b finished when i pacifically told her and a lady from mencap also told her not to make me do things im not comfortable with to cause me to have a meltdown. Same happened volunteering the boss told me to do a task one way i got criticized for not doing it a different way in the end to much pressure had pip tribunal aswell to tackle so i quit.

Parents
  • On the positive side, having a good rant about the past and the unfairness of life, does relive pent up stress and makes people feel better.

    I, and others here have had similar experiences so we understand.  I've been counting how many jobs I've been through in my life, fifteen, all  disasters.  I've been fired from jobs, kicked off training courses, the list just goes on.

Reply
  • On the positive side, having a good rant about the past and the unfairness of life, does relive pent up stress and makes people feel better.

    I, and others here have had similar experiences so we understand.  I've been counting how many jobs I've been through in my life, fifteen, all  disasters.  I've been fired from jobs, kicked off training courses, the list just goes on.

Children