Published on 12, July, 2020
haven't had one in almost a couple decades, and don't foresee one anytime soon, if ever. it's just too hard being around someone, i need to do things my way, i hate cleaning things (except washing the dishes, i love to cook, although it's often the same exact thing), i don't[ bother screwing in light bulbs that burn out (i use solar lights i carry around and prop up, for crying out loud), and my house is so messy and revolting that i can't have anyone in... i seem to have my own slug-like rhythm, which i don't want others intruding on. in short, i am impossible to be around, and i find others impossible to tolerate, and probably will lash out at them sooner rather than later.
i am very private, very into myself, and don't let others into my world. having another person around, on an intimate or even semi-intimate basis, would just feel like an intrusion. i'd be like a cat on ice. literally. just super uncomfortable and exposed. i can't stand that. it feels like part of my aspergers - this need to be private. there's the social person (try to act normal) and the private person (secret and hidden under wraps). with 'close' friends, i generally am around them only for a couple hours at a time. that's it, without exception.
i feel some in the asd community are very very isolated, while most seem to be fairly or very social. i guess i'm asking the totally isolated ones for their input.
i'm really looking for people in my situation, or similar --- not exactly looking for solutions. i was at an asd party, and just found it really hard to connect to anyone. i noticed a small minority of others who seemed similarly isolated. i wondered if these pockets exist in the community, and how people cope, if they are unhappy, or unsatisfied, or the opposite. there are also hikikomori in japan. mainly males, who won't come out of their rooms. even if their parents are older (like, nineties), the hikikomori are still in their rooms.
so - just seeing if anyone can relate. for me, diagnosed in my early sixties, i feel maybe i was bludgeoned so much, and so incessantly by the world, that maybe - really - a soution might be to just really withdraw. i also have lots of sensitivities, and am working to remove myself from them. that might help, actually.
and sex? that takes it all to another level (uh, no pun intended?)
how in the world did you figure out your bird was afraid of the dark?
Withdrawing for romantic relationships is a big question and one I think about.
But I think I'm also hearing another big question here which is feeling isolated within the ASD community. It surprised me joining how many people are fairly or very social. I'm very social and expected to be an outlier, instead I seem to be more the norm here. I've wondered where the voices and experiences of those who aren't social are. Maybe it's worth a separate post with a header about this specifically, like Not very social and feeling isolated even in the ASD community? If that is the case then yes Ican totally get that.
I haven't tried it, but in past posts those looking for online friends and conversation often talk about some Discord Server that's more a chatting space, rather than Q&A that this tends to be. If that's of interest use the search tool on past discussions.
You've got my sympathy. But this feels conversational to me, as much as the other people on here. So I would encourage you to engage here. I notice often that the quieter types here just pop up occasionally to say something, and then there are chattier ones who leave more posts regular. I imagine we seem the majority cos we do the majority posting. But I'm very consciouson any post the number of views are so so much higher than the number of people who comment.
We also come on here for different reasons. I mostly come to learn about my own autism and others, and how to navigate it. I'm not looking for conversatiin here. During lockdown I seem to come for a bit of contact and sollace, fill one of the gaps of loneliness. Others come specifically to make online friends and make posts about that.
My guess is what you're experiencing is common and I definitely think worth a new, separate post that catches the attention of people experiencing the same as I think others would benefit from the conversation too who might overlook this header. One tip, when I start a discussion I find it's very easy to quickly slide to page 3-4 with only 1 comment and disappear, so I've boosted it back to page 1 by adding my own comment. Sometimes it takes off, sometimes it doesn't.
i've been in two in-person asd groups - in both i was among the outliers... outside... left alone even in the group, unable to mix and fit in. don't have the social skills, such as communication, that others seem to have in abundance. i guess that's why i'm in an on-line group. but i notice i don't seem to be able to engage in easy conversation even here. i'm not very conversational, not very engaged in being involved. altho i try to be. wondering if there are others out there who experience that ---- altho they're probably not here, but have simply disengaged.
not looking for solutions - i have a therapist and my own life experience.