I've always been a shy kid, wouldn't call myself introverted at all, just shy. Probably to do with aspergers despite not knowing at the time I had it. Despite that however, I grew up with a lot of friends that I regularly hanged out with. Either I went to their homes or they came to mine. At that point in life it felt easier to make friends because everyone was interested in interests only. Small talk barely happened.
Fast forward to puberty and entering the teen years, most of my friends forgot I existed. And making new friends felt difficult because I didn't know how to make small talk. So, the more failed attempts I had, the least I tried to. As such, now that I'm entering my 20s, I feel like I missed out on a very important chapter of my life. And up until this point I didn't know why I was the way I am, but I finally got diagnosed and everything made so much sense. Doesn't help me feel better about not having had an enjoyable teen years but at least now I know why I had those difficulties that no other person had.
Now I'm nearing 20 and I just feel devastated over it. I didn't hang out with friends, I didn't go to parties, I didn't flirt with girls, I didn't even have my first kiss or even lost my virginity (and that's a big thing in the country I live where the average of losing it is 16), something I feel I should've experienced but I didn't. I'm not so sure I can even use my diagnosis as an excuse because there are plenty of autistic people who had a pretty big social circle during high school.
