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I'm 19, nearly 20 in a month at the time of writing this, and I'm starting to feel like I wasted my teen years

NAS70722

I've always been a shy kid, wouldn't call myself introverted at all, just shy. Probably to do with aspergers despite not knowing at the time I had it. Despite that however, I grew up with a lot of friends that I regularly hanged out with. Either I went to their homes or they came to mine. At that point in life it felt easier to make friends because everyone was interested in interests only. Small talk barely happened.

Fast forward to puberty and entering the teen years, most of my friends forgot I existed. And making new friends felt difficult because I didn't know how to make small talk. So, the more failed attempts I had, the least I tried to. As such, now that I'm entering my 20s, I feel like I missed out on a very important chapter of my life. And up until this point I didn't know why I was the way I am, but I finally got diagnosed and everything made so much sense. Doesn't help me feel better about not having had an enjoyable teen years but at least now I know why I had those difficulties that no other person had.

Now I'm nearing 20 and I just feel devastated over it. I didn't hang out with friends, I didn't go to parties, I didn't flirt with girls, I didn't even have my first kiss or even lost my virginity (and that's a big thing in the country I live where the average of losing it is 16), something I feel I should've experienced but I didn't. I'm not so sure I can even use my diagnosis as an excuse because there are plenty of autistic people who had a pretty big social circle during high school.

  • It seems to be a common, but the first I thought was of course: WT-, have I written that?! (Extra much because I turn 20 in 5 weeks.)

  • I'm 41 now and so much more relaxed about who I am. If you regret not having done 'teenage things' then do that stuff iyour 20's! If you didn't do it because actually you didn't feel comfortable doing it ( I was very different from my teenage friends) then accept its ok. You don't have to do certain things at certain times. Its ok to do them later or not at all. I'm happier now than when I was a teenager because I have the confidence to do what I want without fear of not fitting in. There is nothing you can't do at 20 or 40 !

  • in reply to Plastic

    I'm planning to change for the better now that I know what I am and etc. I've got a proper word to identify my difficulties now. However, I'm having a hard time coping with wasting time during my teen years.

    The most "exciting" things that happened to me during those years were mostly all at school with the small group I hanged with. I'm not even sure they were my real friends either.

  • in reply to aidie

    I live in Portugal, Sines. There isn't a lot of support about mental awareness here at all so I guess that didn't help either. The closest I got to a diagnosis about autism was a school psychologist telling me I "exhibited signs of autism, but wasn't autistic".

  • Nearly 20, that is young!!!

    I, and many people have had worse teen and post teen years.  I always struggled to make friends.  I had very few at school and lost contact when I moved schools.  I was shunned at school because I was different.

    I never  even had a birthday party.  Last one I attended, I think I was seven years old.

    I think you've been lucky.

  • Bluntly, yes, you wasted some time - but  - you're actually very lucky that you are still only 19 and have 'woken up' and realised what's happening so you have not lost too much - plus you've also self-analysed to spot your error and know what *not* to be doing from here onwards.    Don't beat yourself up about it - you're not as delayed as you think - NTs brag a lot about their conquests for social credibility - most are uncomfortable, embarrassing fumbles in the dark that they try to forget.

    You can still be anything or anyone you want to be!

    I would suggest looking at all the things that you find relaxing and that give you pleasure - like childhood hobbies and interests - and find clubs and groups that cater to the adult version.       In groups like that, you'll find like-minded, interesting people - possibly quite a few undiagnosed aspies - all looking for the same things as you - friendship, learning and social events that will more suit your mindset.

    I'm into Lego - look at the Brickish organisation.      I also do model engineering - lots of model clubs around.

    If you're into art and history, there seems to be a higher proportion of female members in that field - just hinting -  look into what societies are in your local area.     (obviously, covid will limit what you can do right now but it gives you time to do your research).

    Good luck and keep moving forwards!  Smiley

  • lots of people have bad teenage years autistics and NTs. Your body is readjusting itself as new hormones are released. My teenage years where completely nuts in that i joined criminal gangs to have fun etc,,,,,,,  but my dad stopped me luckily.

    there is no point worrying about the past because you cant do anything about it.

    so start how as a healthy 20 year old 

    BTW  lots of people lost their virginity later and thats fine  

    so wants left   ----- u need a new social life 

    can u mention where u are eg England then the county/or city  so people here can tell u about clubs u can join etc