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Long term relationship with Asperger partner advice

NAS70692

Hi all, I’m a NT woman in a long term partnership with my boyfriend who has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. His diagnosis was a relief as we had a lot of issues in our relationship that caused me to end it a couple of times but we mended fences and got back together. His diagnosis caused me to be able to better understand his lack of empathy and difficulty in communicating. I also suffer from generalised anxiety disorder which meant that I was also over analysing a lot and causing myself a lot of stress over things that his diagnosis helped to explain.

Anyway, recently my partner has started suffering from depression. He is seeking professional help but over the holidays his therapist has understandably closed. He is struggling at the moment and has said some pretty hurtful things to me which I’m trying to understand is all part of his lack of empathy but with my anxiety as well I’m finding it a bit tough. 
does anyone have any advice on ways in which I can better support him through this? 
Thank you in advance.

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  • Hi Elizabeth, Speaking from my perspective with ASC and with chronic depression I agree with the comments that you firstly need to look after yourself. Having a had a close friendship with a doctor she said that as a Doctor she was told that unless she was fit to look after herself she was no real help to others long term! With being on the spectrum I do try to "logically understand emotions" which can be problematic and has lead some some "interesting" discussions (to say the least)! So my suggestion would be to explain you have your own needs and what they are and I would hope you parter would then understand? Certainly I do find it difficult to pick-up emotions and do find it helpful to have them explained, but this may just be me?

  • in reply to PMc2222

    Hi, that makes such great sense, yes! And thanks for sharing what that doctor said to you, that’s really helpful for me to remember. I hope you’re having a super day. :-)

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