• Replies 8 replies
  • Subscribers 84 subscribers
  • Views 2335 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Long term relationship with Asperger partner advice

NAS70692

Hi all, I’m a NT woman in a long term partnership with my boyfriend who has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. His diagnosis was a relief as we had a lot of issues in our relationship that caused me to end it a couple of times but we mended fences and got back together. His diagnosis caused me to be able to better understand his lack of empathy and difficulty in communicating. I also suffer from generalised anxiety disorder which meant that I was also over analysing a lot and causing myself a lot of stress over things that his diagnosis helped to explain.

Anyway, recently my partner has started suffering from depression. He is seeking professional help but over the holidays his therapist has understandably closed. He is struggling at the moment and has said some pretty hurtful things to me which I’m trying to understand is all part of his lack of empathy but with my anxiety as well I’m finding it a bit tough. 
does anyone have any advice on ways in which I can better support him through this? 
Thank you in advance.

Parents

  • It's important to look after your own feelings as well. Have you communicated that you've found some of the things he's said hurtful and explained why? As an NT person myself, I find that it's unhelpful to try to support my partner without also finding ways for her to meet my needs. If she's done or said something that's caused distress, I sit down calmly and talk it through with her.

  • in reply to Bean

    Thank you for your reply Bean! I’m getting better at discussing distress and needs with him and he is being more receptive to it as well. I think where we have gone wrong in the past is that I had been so angry with him because I just thought he was being a jerk haha (this is pre diagnosis) so learning to be calm in our communication for me has been a learning curve but I think we are getting there. 

Reply
  • in reply to Bean

    Thank you for your reply Bean! I’m getting better at discussing distress and needs with him and he is being more receptive to it as well. I think where we have gone wrong in the past is that I had been so angry with him because I just thought he was being a jerk haha (this is pre diagnosis) so learning to be calm in our communication for me has been a learning curve but I think we are getting there. 

Children
No Data