Autistic adult...i seem to be creating a character that isnt mine

Due to my limitation(i have no savant abilities that i know of)....i am 99.99% at odds with myself and quite disappointed....I guess all the acting ive had to do all my life to even begin to feel like i am "someone" hasnt helped as you can only act so far before being found out ,not only by other...but by yourself..

How do peple here stop this?  or get use to being "whoever" we are?  I havent a real clue as to who i am at times..

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  • going along I have  created 7 or so personas ( personalities ) which i can switch between.  Most are beneficial ( "The coach/soldier" when hiking or hill walking ) but my last one is "Kiera" can be very nasty,. She was created to fight or defend me for some reason.     

    If you really want to know yourself u need to start with meditation  --- I am 3/4 years  into this stuff and you will find are some very shocking things about yourself which u have to deal with. Its hard work but I am not stopping as I feel I am fixing things and starting to see reality as it is.

    the alternative is CBT but it isnt ongoing and people seem to stop progressing after the course is over. But do it if u are offered it as it gets u into correct frame of mind.

    I use my meditation to challenge the existence of these personas and in within my head i ask the bad ones to leave or i go through a visualisation of me killing them with a sword ( this weakens them ) . I have reduced/weaken the nasty personas to something I can see coming now and stop before they take over.  The good ones I am keeping for a while longer they should eventually go.

    I started meditation to reduced my anxiety and it worked for that then I stumbled on "killing unwanted personalities" somewhere and applied it.

  • To my surprise, my zen affinity, merged with my diplomat's long-distance empathy and a long study of meridians - acupuncture maps are as good as it gets, but be aware the auras are beyond the body - has given me functional Reiki mastery. My christian root gives me far more power if justified, though. Satori comes close.

  • who is your favourite Zen master ?

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