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Being clingy

Rach91

Hello through lockdown I decided to do some online dating not thinking I would meet anyone nice but I have done. I met a guy that I really like and he likes me as well. We haven’t met yet as he been busy in work but I have his phone number. I feel I’m to clingy if I text him and he doesn’t reply I get paranoid or I get over excited if he texts me. I don’t want to be like this as I’m afraid I will push him away I am also afraid that if we do get closer I’m going to mess things up. Is this normal for an autistic adult to behave and if so how can I control it. 

  • in reply to Rach91

    Feeling like you do is basically a strength. It's cool to understand how different people feel as well as how you feel yourself. And just going with the flow is cool too. I hope you have nice time Rach.

  • Thanks for the help I feel a bit better now hopefully in the new year we can finally meet and go for a socially distant walk or something 

  • I'm a clingy person too. What you say is very similar to how I get in such situations.

    There's a school of psychological thought called 'attachment theory'. Attachment theory theorises that people who are clingy are what they call 'anxious attachment'. The opposite side of that spectrum is people that have 'avoidant attachment'.

    People with anxious attachment tend to be the 'people pleaser' types of people. Concerned what others think, like to spend time with their partner and get anxious if the partner (or prospective partner) doesn't text, or otherwise give sufficient attention. Anxiously attached people may also love to cuddle after sex.

    The avoidant attachment folks tend to be the ones who feel they need significant separate time from their partner. They may also be less cuddly in general and less cuddly after intimacy. And yet, this isn't to say that they're less loving or less in need of human attachment, they just have a different way of being and showing it.

    An odd thing about attachment theory is that anxiously attached people often attract avoidantly attached people (and vice versa). So, it's quite often that an anxiously attached person will love someone who isn't very cuddly and isn't the greatest at always responding back quickly.

    There's also a category of 'securely attached' people who tend to be in the middle. They're not so clingy and they're not so strongly independent.

    It's possible to over-analyse this kind of thing but it sometimes helps some of us to be aware that some people have a different kind of mode of being when it comes to relationships. It's certainly helped me to slightly better understand other partners I've been with.

  • you could just as easily be neurotypical  I mean yep thats a normal reaction, a wee bit over the top because you havent met him yet. Its ok to be paranoid and and over excited and to be clingy. The sooner you meet the better,  remember he may be anxious as well so take it cool. 

    Thats it,  be cool. 

    PS I'm happy for u --- A girl mate of mine told me she met her husband on line --- they are such a nice pair