Published on 12, July, 2020
I've got a much needed new friend. How do I avoid overwhelming him?
He's NT, he seems really well adjusted, he's straightforward and good at communicating when and when he can't meet. He seems glad too, I think he's kinda got caught up with family n kids, and friends with kids who are busy, so glad of a chat. I've told him I'm autistic and he was amazingly gentle with it. I'm really relieved to have a well adjusted, uncomplicated male friend who's a similar age. It's gone really nicely, but I can be quite intense and that started to come out today. So what do I talk about to keep things lighter?
I've tended to make friends by having deep 1-1 chats. I've read of other aspies who do friendship quite intensley, asking probing questions, showing care, getting people to open up. It ends up with me being everyone's therapist. I'd like a more mutual relationship, and to stay lighter, and also he's well adjusted and doesn't need deep and meaningful. But today I started to go there anyway cos I'd run out of stuff to say. NT conversations about beer, football, tv, popular culture, kids or whatever else they talk about don't do anything for me but leave me bemused and silent.
So, how am I gonna take this friendship forward. I'm seeing him next just after christmas for a 2'30" run, which is a lot of talking time.
I can tell you how I made friends, they both divorced with kids, and not autistic
one is 2 years older, and english and we work same place, I made him come over for a dinner once, and we found out that we have common interest - conspiracy theories - and that is neverending story, so since then is easier, and more relaxed.
second one, 5 years younger and polish, I met on my 2nd day in UK, we knew same people, and ended up drinking together, we found out that we are both very honest, to honest for regular people, and we value each other for that, so relief that we can at last talk honestly made us continue meeting over drink every now and then for years, and now he developed another hobby - learning, we have more to talk about, whathever interesting we read about recently.
but for the overwhelming part, no advice, what to do, it looks like my friends do not mind it
so throught the stomach to the heart, and then something incommon to talk about :P
yes, I do not sent 2nd if there is no answer, unless they are sort off together :P
suprisingly at first, they answer sometimes 5:05am :)
english one suffers from insomnia, so he is not sleeping yet often at that time
Texting at 5am to add something to a conversation is exactly what i worry about doing! We talked about running times and i just looked up his marathon time and am well impressed and want to text, but he hasn't replied to my last text yet. I'd text anyway, but i know that's not how you're supposed to do it.
Mark (NicheMarket) said:i guess the boundaries of any friendship get negotiated over time.
I concur, I do not know how to lie, I tried to learn it, but it always ends with me stammering, so I can only go natural, but I would do it like that anyway, and at pace it goes on its own.
Though i text them sometimes 5am to add something to the last conversation :P
Thanks. It was good to be reminded that he might not mind me being overwhelming; and i guess the boundaries of any friendship get negotiated over time. I think he's a healthier, more balanced form of friendship than lots of my other friends, and the dynamic beyween us is new to me, and that's a bit unsettling.