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How to avoid overwhelming a new friend?

Mark (NicheMarket)

I've got a much needed new friend. How do I avoid overwhelming him?

He's NT, he seems really well adjusted, he's straightforward and good at communicating when and when he can't meet. He seems glad too, I think he's kinda got caught up with family n kids, and friends with kids who are busy, so glad of a chat. I've told him I'm autistic and he was amazingly gentle with it. I'm really relieved to have a well adjusted, uncomplicated male friend who's a similar age. It's gone really nicely, but I can be quite intense and that started to come out today. So what do I talk about to keep things lighter?

I've tended to make friends by having deep 1-1 chats. I've read of other aspies who do friendship quite intensley, asking probing questions, showing care, getting people to open up. It ends up with me being everyone's therapist. I'd like a more mutual relationship, and to stay lighter, and also he's well adjusted and doesn't need deep and meaningful. But today I started to go there anyway cos I'd run out of stuff to say. NT conversations about beer, football, tv, popular culture, kids or whatever else they talk about don't do anything for me but leave me bemused and silent.

So, how am I gonna take this friendship forward. I'm seeing him next just after christmas for a 2'30" run, which is a lot of talking time.

Parents

  • This new frienship is going well, but ...

    I can see I'm anchoring on him a bit in my head for emotional support. This is really unusual for me. I normally listen to everyone else's drama and find it quite hard to get support, even now that I want it and try to get it.

    He's more sorted, stable and I think content than my other friends, so I can see why it would make sense. He's also a dad so will have learnt some looking after skills, and I think he's got 'secure attachment' which i doubt any of my other friends have. Basically I feel emotionally secure around him which i think has only happened twice for me and both those were romantic relationships. So it's def progress to make this type of friend. I think I'm changing which is enabling me to be more vulnerable, but I don't want it all to woosh out on him!

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  • This new frienship is going well, but ...

    I can see I'm anchoring on him a bit in my head for emotional support. This is really unusual for me. I normally listen to everyone else's drama and find it quite hard to get support, even now that I want it and try to get it.

    He's more sorted, stable and I think content than my other friends, so I can see why it would make sense. He's also a dad so will have learnt some looking after skills, and I think he's got 'secure attachment' which i doubt any of my other friends have. Basically I feel emotionally secure around him which i think has only happened twice for me and both those were romantic relationships. So it's def progress to make this type of friend. I think I'm changing which is enabling me to be more vulnerable, but I don't want it all to woosh out on him!

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