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How to have a romantic relationship if you can't flirt/ read between the lines??

NAS69063

I am a very recently diagnosed 22 year old woman and I really want to be in a romantic relationship (I know that sounds very sad and desperate!!). I have had a boyfriend in my teens but we were more like friends. I feel like I can never truly be happy until I am in a relationship/ have a family, which is a very negative way to think, I know, but many of my NT friends have boyfriends/ girlfriends and I feel unaccomplished compared to them.

But I'm afraid that I can never initiate a romantic relationship because I have no idea what flirting is and what the difference is between flirting and making friends. I also know that reading between the lines is important when you're trying to form a romantic relationship... how do people on the spectrum navigate that? 

I would be extremely grateful if any of you could please provide any tips on dating/ forming deep, romantic connections with people!! Many thanks :)

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  • I can't flirt for toffee and I can't read between the lines. A guy at work once really really obviously flirted with me and it dawned on me about five years later what his intentions were. I felt daft but at the time if I had realised,  I wouldn't have known how to react anyway. Also in my current role....a colleague winked at me, and another occasion said "oh I always forget it's that day when you're here, it's always nice to see you". I don't know what level this behaviour is.

    I'm in a long term relationship so that's like a safety net. If I was available, I wouldn't know how to read that kind of behaviour i mentioned above and i wold have no idea how to instigate or show interest without making a fool of myself or just blurting out how i felt.. And I'm sure this would  get me down and frustrated. I've only ever been in one relationship which is my current one. I met my current partner on a night out when I was three sheels to the wind. I think at the time we both just wanted someone who was into the same music and liked dancing.  I don't think there's every been flirting but he's very attentive. Before i met him, I always maintained to be myself to not act like everyone else or my friends. That was really important to me. (I'm awaiting a diagnosis. I've been with my other half since LONG before I has ever really heard of autism).

    I actually think the directness in autistic women's behaviour can be quite attractive. But there's a fine line where you can be taken advantage of.

    I think what I'm trying to say is, be yourself and if you are honest and confident within yourself that will shine through. Not all men are flirty.

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  • I can't flirt for toffee and I can't read between the lines. A guy at work once really really obviously flirted with me and it dawned on me about five years later what his intentions were. I felt daft but at the time if I had realised,  I wouldn't have known how to react anyway. Also in my current role....a colleague winked at me, and another occasion said "oh I always forget it's that day when you're here, it's always nice to see you". I don't know what level this behaviour is.

    I'm in a long term relationship so that's like a safety net. If I was available, I wouldn't know how to read that kind of behaviour i mentioned above and i wold have no idea how to instigate or show interest without making a fool of myself or just blurting out how i felt.. And I'm sure this would  get me down and frustrated. I've only ever been in one relationship which is my current one. I met my current partner on a night out when I was three sheels to the wind. I think at the time we both just wanted someone who was into the same music and liked dancing.  I don't think there's every been flirting but he's very attentive. Before i met him, I always maintained to be myself to not act like everyone else or my friends. That was really important to me. (I'm awaiting a diagnosis. I've been with my other half since LONG before I has ever really heard of autism).

    I actually think the directness in autistic women's behaviour can be quite attractive. But there's a fine line where you can be taken advantage of.

    I think what I'm trying to say is, be yourself and if you are honest and confident within yourself that will shine through. Not all men are flirty.

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