A funny feeling, no other description

This has happened again this week. Don't know why. Strange mood and cannot shake it off. Strong anxiety symptoms came from nowhere a couple of days ago. It's led to sadness and just feeling strange.

Have confirmation of being autistic now though.  I'm just wondering if it's being out of routine cos it's Easter. I'm pretty sure it was like this last Easter and I know I've felt like this before at similar time of year. 

I don't even know how to ask for help or how to talk about it with anyone cos I don't know what's wrong. I don't think it's anxiety cos I don't feel worried.

How are you treating yourself ? Are you being nice to yourself on your time off and allowing yourself to be comfortable in your own skin when work stops ? Sometimes we are unknowingly on autopilot during our daily routines and work life mode and unconsciously stressed then when we stop our bodies are sometimes crying-out to just be acknowledged. A lot of feelings can pop up when we just stop. Feelings that we have neglected or just kept pushed under the surface by being constantly busy. It's important to acknowledge them and allow them and just be with yourself. Even if it's just for 20 mins a day of alone time, breathing, meditating or listening to music and just allowing yourself to be.

It may sound weird or counter-productive, but if you are feeling sad it can be helpful to listen to sad songs that express sad pain or the type of emotions you are feeling just to acknowledge them, listen to them, feel them and allow them to pass. It may surprise you how music or the emotions expressed in it can reach to places you never thought existed inside you and release them. Everyone has their own taste in music but the important thing is to find those that acknowledge these feelings and eventually release them. 

This one, I think is acknowledging Sad-Pain that maybe you don't even know where it comes from. 

https://youtu.be/9FoQpBM46u8

The fact that it is not in English is even better so you pay attention to the feeling, not the words.

How are you treating yourself ? Are you being nice to yourself on your time off and allowing yourself to be comfortable in your own skin when work stops ? Sometimes we are unknowingly on autopilot during our daily routines and work life mode and unconsciously stressed then when we stop our bodies are sometimes crying-out to just be acknowledged. A lot of feelings can pop up when we just stop. Feelings that we have neglected or just kept pushed under the surface by being constantly busy. It's important to acknowledge them and allow them and just be with yourself. Even if it's just for 20 mins a day of alone time, breathing, meditating or listening to music and just allowing yourself to be.

It may sound weird or counter-productive, but if you are feeling sad it can be helpful to listen to sad songs that express sad pain or the type of emotions you are feeling just to acknowledge them, listen to them, feel them and allow them to pass. It may surprise you how music or the emotions expressed in it can reach to places you never thought existed inside you and release them. Everyone has their own taste in music but the important thing is to find those that acknowledge these feelings and eventually release them. 

This one, I think is acknowledging Sad-Pain that maybe you don't even know where it comes from. 

https://youtu.be/9FoQpBM46u8

The fact that it is not in English is even better so you pay attention to the feeling, not the words.

I think we tend to run away from ourselves and the feelings. Can you sit with it for a while and just observe it without thinking ? Can you describe it or start to put it down in writing ? I found this helps sometimes first thing in the morning. 

I have listened to Ludovico Einaudi some years back. I agree Loz. Music was better than therapy for me as I had trauma trapped inside me too that I had overlooked and ignored for years. When I finally acknowledged it and re-lived it it was a tough time. That's when I started listening to music and the music I was drawn to was those with intense emotion & feeling, especially loss or pain. For me it just happened to be Gypsy music - Gypsy Kings etc as they let it all out. They have been brought-up to express everything they are feeling inside and there are not many minority groups who have experienced persecution, trauma and prejudice like them, for centuries. 

The funny thing was I had bought one of their Albums decades ago so it was no coincidence why. The simple knowing there were other people out there who had experienced pain and were able to communicate it to me on a deeper level was a therapeutic balm on old wounds. There was no thinking required. It spoke to me inside like some kind of special internal language. 

This one particularly helped https://youtu.be/wMzu2HfCzSg.

I only speak baby-talk Spanish so I didn't even know what the lyrics meant at the time. It was pure feeling that spoke to me. I won't attempt to describe the meaning but I think it's loosely based on Solitude and acknowledging it. They even refer to it as an old love. 

To be honest, I'm not sure if doing a meditation set it off. Well the aim wasn't relaxation as that puts pressure on me.   I wasn't bothered if I was interrupted etc the aim was just to get me back into it as haven't done any for a while. But the feeling came on not long after. It might be the cause or it might not, I don't know.

Another problem might be too much time on my hands as it's Easter hols at the moment. I struggle when there's lack of routine. My partner likes to keep busy when he's off or he gets bored. That's not my problem but I feel pressure from myself that we always have to be doing stuff when we are both off together. Especially when the weathers nice, That's why I liked the first lockdown. There was nowhere to go and nowhere to be so no pressure. I think I can be myself at home, he doesn't judge me.

Music is always on in our house. 

If I let myself be too much that's when the overthinking starts. I think I need some sort of project but I struggle to get started on things and give up too easily.

I definitely agree with you on that Turtle. I was going through PTSD Counselling over 2019-2020, got to a really heavy part of the counselling. I remember leaving one day feeling so overwhelmed. Put my headphones on and this started playing. (6) Ludovico Einaudi - Experience - YouTube 

There are no words that I can offer which would describe the feeling. But by the time the song ended, I had stood by the roadside in floods of tears and felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.