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Please help! Any ideas on calming an upset 3yr old with Aspergers??

dannysmum09

Hi, we're really new to this, our son is still waiting for formal diagnosis but is often anxious and upset - he can't yet explain what is bothering him and we're often unsure what to do. Going out is becoming more stressful despite explaining things to him and sometimes nothing seems to calm him down. Any tips or advice massively appreciated!!

Parents

  • I have twin 3 year old boys, one diagnosed with ASD and one possible sensory issues.

    I feel your pain, I never know when it's ASD/sensory or about being 3!

    To be honest I try and follow "gentle discipline" as part of attachment parenting theory. The idea is you work hard to form an attachment that is based on trust with your child (which has been extra helpful with my ASD boy who is in his own world a lot).

    But the idea is to teach, not to punish.

    I try very hard to use games, persuasion and negotiation before moving to "making them do something" or any threats.

    If you don't make a big deal in the first place and suggest things, then you never have to go back on what you said as it wasn't an order but a suggestion.

    Re. How to calm them down - I find being as calm as possible yourself helps.

    Validate their feelings, like "I know you don't want to go in the car". Rather than "I know you don't want to go in the car but you have to". The second one invalidates their feelina and makes them angrier. You still put them in the car but sympathise.

    I have more stuff I do but I have two monkeys to put to bed!

Reply

  • I have twin 3 year old boys, one diagnosed with ASD and one possible sensory issues.

    I feel your pain, I never know when it's ASD/sensory or about being 3!

    To be honest I try and follow "gentle discipline" as part of attachment parenting theory. The idea is you work hard to form an attachment that is based on trust with your child (which has been extra helpful with my ASD boy who is in his own world a lot).

    But the idea is to teach, not to punish.

    I try very hard to use games, persuasion and negotiation before moving to "making them do something" or any threats.

    If you don't make a big deal in the first place and suggest things, then you never have to go back on what you said as it wasn't an order but a suggestion.

    Re. How to calm them down - I find being as calm as possible yourself helps.

    Validate their feelings, like "I know you don't want to go in the car". Rather than "I know you don't want to go in the car but you have to". The second one invalidates their feelina and makes them angrier. You still put them in the car but sympathise.

    I have more stuff I do but I have two monkeys to put to bed!

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