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Feeling really rather ...lost? Confused? Hollow?

Flunglebimp

Hello

I was diagnosed as level 1 high functioning autism (aspergers) in April this year, after I pursued an assessment for myself following the realisation that I was identical in my behaviour as my daughter...who had been diagnosed in 2014. 

I’m feeling like I have no one who understands how I feel and I was wondering if any other autistic adults can identify with me? 

There are very few people in my life I trust and have as friends. 4 friends, to be precise, plus my family. Those friends have known me for several years, in some instances, and only 18mth in one case. All those friends know I’m autistic, they weren’t surprised when I told them my diagnosis. They all know I’m a stickler for time, being prompt, dislike lateness, and I like to plan ahead.

When something is said, even in passing, to me it’s written in stone. If that thing doesn’t come to fruition, or the plans made fall apart (a friend cancelling a get together/run/FaceTime call etc) it really affects me. I get very low in mood, I start over thinking and wondering if it’s me they’re avoiding; have I said or done something to upset or offend? Am I too intense ? (I know I can be with my planning) . 

I can’t talk to my friends about this because then I’ll worry I’ve upset them...because it’s their actions I’d be talking about and that might upset them. My husband is amazing and supportive. He says I must switch off these thoughts but I can’t. He hates seeing me upset or fretting. 

is this kind of thing an ‘aspie’ thing? Does anyone else feel totally floored when plans change or friends don’t see the importance of keeping plans? 

how can I approach this with them without sounding neurotic? I’m tempted to just hide away and not bother with friends. But I know this isn’t the right thing really. I’m just so exhausted from being excited about plans that are made....but then broken and feeling desperately confused...

Parents

  • Here's a parallel story.

    So I used to talk to my longest standing friend most days, or 3-4 times a week. Then he finally met so eone, got happy, got married, had a kid. We rarely talk now, maybe once a month, though i know i'm important to him still, like they had me for christmas last year which waskind, but also i think they actually wanted to.

    My love life's been up n down for a while and I've wanted to talk to him, and also touch base in case he'd offer to have me for christmas. I texted yesterday afternoon to ask if he had time to speak this wkd. This morn he suggested 4pm today.

    Come 3pm I was conscious I had a 4pm call. 3.30 and bit nervous I could lose time, this built up to 3.55. I was ready to call him precisely at 4pm but new that was odd, i waited til 4.10. I rang. It rang once then switched to voicemail. I texted to say he can call when free. I rang at 4.30 and it went straight to voicemail. I'm not sure how i'm feeling cos i struggle to discern feelings, but i'm a bit anxious, upset, want to have a chat cos it was planned, want to connect, want to know the order of my evening!

    And this is with someone I've known for 20 years, has a kid, loads of family nearby, who knows what's going on.

    So yeah, i understand how it's like. At 50 I'm so much better than i used to be. It is an aspie thing, i've no idea why. I remember my best mate texted me once at about 10:30 saying he was gonna be late for our 4pm. I got about 10 texts through the day updating me on lateness estimates, he even got arsie that we were trying to do too much though it had been his suggestion to add a run to dinner. In the end he was 7 minutes late ....

    We do have to own this, but we can also let others know how we process things without any blame or expectation. I hope you find a way around this for yourself.

  • in reply to Mark (NicheMarket)

    Yay, update. 2.5 hours after 4 i've got a text saying things got out of hand and he'll call when he gets the kid to bed, wgich is 8.30 or so normally. I can relax!

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