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Feeling really rather ...lost? Confused? Hollow?

Flunglebimp

Hello

I was diagnosed as level 1 high functioning autism (aspergers) in April this year, after I pursued an assessment for myself following the realisation that I was identical in my behaviour as my daughter...who had been diagnosed in 2014. 

I’m feeling like I have no one who understands how I feel and I was wondering if any other autistic adults can identify with me? 

There are very few people in my life I trust and have as friends. 4 friends, to be precise, plus my family. Those friends have known me for several years, in some instances, and only 18mth in one case. All those friends know I’m autistic, they weren’t surprised when I told them my diagnosis. They all know I’m a stickler for time, being prompt, dislike lateness, and I like to plan ahead.

When something is said, even in passing, to me it’s written in stone. If that thing doesn’t come to fruition, or the plans made fall apart (a friend cancelling a get together/run/FaceTime call etc) it really affects me. I get very low in mood, I start over thinking and wondering if it’s me they’re avoiding; have I said or done something to upset or offend? Am I too intense ? (I know I can be with my planning) . 

I can’t talk to my friends about this because then I’ll worry I’ve upset them...because it’s their actions I’d be talking about and that might upset them. My husband is amazing and supportive. He says I must switch off these thoughts but I can’t. He hates seeing me upset or fretting. 

is this kind of thing an ‘aspie’ thing? Does anyone else feel totally floored when plans change or friends don’t see the importance of keeping plans? 

how can I approach this with them without sounding neurotic? I’m tempted to just hide away and not bother with friends. But I know this isn’t the right thing really. I’m just so exhausted from being excited about plans that are made....but then broken and feeling desperately confused...

Parents

  • I'll try and find time to write again this evening. What you say so resonates with me. I'm 50 and can think my way around it quite well now, but I'm still triggered and fret about the smallest of things.

    You don't have to tell friends everything in one go. And there are ways to tell people where you own that it's your problem. Like "I get in such a tizz around punctuality, I know it's me, .... ." I find telling people my stuff helps with the anxiety even if they don't change their ways cos it's opened up a channel of communication and i can then say, "oh god, you won't believe the mess i got in not knowing whether you were coming or not, and you were only 5 mins late, really, my brain!" But also sharing vulnerability deepens connection. So approach it from a perspective that talking about this will deepen yoyr connection together.

Reply

  • I'll try and find time to write again this evening. What you say so resonates with me. I'm 50 and can think my way around it quite well now, but I'm still triggered and fret about the smallest of things.

    You don't have to tell friends everything in one go. And there are ways to tell people where you own that it's your problem. Like "I get in such a tizz around punctuality, I know it's me, .... ." I find telling people my stuff helps with the anxiety even if they don't change their ways cos it's opened up a channel of communication and i can then say, "oh god, you won't believe the mess i got in not knowing whether you were coming or not, and you were only 5 mins late, really, my brain!" But also sharing vulnerability deepens connection. So approach it from a perspective that talking about this will deepen yoyr connection together.

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