• Replies 10 replies
  • Subscribers 82 subscribers
  • Views 2316 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Feeling really rather ...lost? Confused? Hollow?

Flunglebimp

Hello

I was diagnosed as level 1 high functioning autism (aspergers) in April this year, after I pursued an assessment for myself following the realisation that I was identical in my behaviour as my daughter...who had been diagnosed in 2014. 

I’m feeling like I have no one who understands how I feel and I was wondering if any other autistic adults can identify with me? 

There are very few people in my life I trust and have as friends. 4 friends, to be precise, plus my family. Those friends have known me for several years, in some instances, and only 18mth in one case. All those friends know I’m autistic, they weren’t surprised when I told them my diagnosis. They all know I’m a stickler for time, being prompt, dislike lateness, and I like to plan ahead.

When something is said, even in passing, to me it’s written in stone. If that thing doesn’t come to fruition, or the plans made fall apart (a friend cancelling a get together/run/FaceTime call etc) it really affects me. I get very low in mood, I start over thinking and wondering if it’s me they’re avoiding; have I said or done something to upset or offend? Am I too intense ? (I know I can be with my planning) . 

I can’t talk to my friends about this because then I’ll worry I’ve upset them...because it’s their actions I’d be talking about and that might upset them. My husband is amazing and supportive. He says I must switch off these thoughts but I can’t. He hates seeing me upset or fretting. 

is this kind of thing an ‘aspie’ thing? Does anyone else feel totally floored when plans change or friends don’t see the importance of keeping plans? 

how can I approach this with them without sounding neurotic? I’m tempted to just hide away and not bother with friends. But I know this isn’t the right thing really. I’m just so exhausted from being excited about plans that are made....but then broken and feeling desperately confused...

Parents

  • Thank you Aidie and p1nkg1n. 
    ive tried writing it down but I’m afraid it looks a bit...needy or whingy? I typed out a text to a friend who’s upset me this week but I deleted it because I just don’t know if I’m being ‘autistic’ and sensitive or if I really have reason to be upset. If it’s the former, I may push her away. I’m sure past friendships have ended due to me being ‘pushy’ or needy 

  • in reply to Flunglebimp

    Completley understand. Maybe leave it a week and see how you feel? Or give them a call. That way you can at least explain if they were to take it the wrong way. 

    The feeling of being lost resonates with me. Is this recent to your diagnosis?

  • in reply to P1nkG1n

    No, I’ve always felt like this. Even as a child, I remember bring worried about how others saw me and if ever anyone was off with me, or I perceived them to be, I’d blame myself. Mum didn’t help though, she always said my outspokenness would push people away. She can now see why I was like I was as a child! . Confounded 

    I’m hopefully going for a run with a friend On Saturday so I might get to speak to her then but I know she’s got to get home pronto afterwards. 

  • in reply to Flunglebimp

    If it might be worth mentioning. Sometimes I find my anxieties cause my little issues to evolve into massive issues that didn't exist outside my head. 

    Sorry if I'm giving mixed advice. I try and find the balance myself. I do stick with if they are worth having in your life, be open, honest, and kind. 

Reply Children
No Data