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Does life actually get better? What does it take to get actual help?

Green-Pens

Does life actually get better? I've been depressed since around June 2017 and I've only really gotten worse over time.

What does it take to get actual help? I'm under a mental health team, but I also have autism and I'm not sure how they're going to help me with my comorbid conditions. There is an autism inpatient unit, but I think they are reluctant to send me there. I think they think that I can be treated from home, but I don't think I can because I sometimes get thoughts and feelings of self-harm and I so badly want to act on them, but I'm scared of the pain and also if the scar would remind me of when I was in a bad time in my life. I so desperately want help, but I don't want to take an overdose because then I'd have to get my stomach pumped. Cutting is another thing that kinda scares me (not as much as overdosing).

I'm thinking of starving myself, although it causes discomfort, I've done it before and lost weight really quickly. I know my brain would be telling me to eat, but I can do it - I've done it before, I can do it again! If I do starve myself, would the mental health team deem me as unsafe and then have to intervene? I know I'm morbidly obese and require more energy than people who are not obese, but I think it'll make me happier if I starve myself because then I'd lose weight really quickly as well.

I'm just so desperate for help and can't cope with this way of living anymore. It's like no one at the mental health team takes me seriously. It's like my mental illnesses aren't valid because they're not deemed as life threatening.

Parents

  • Please don't do anything hasty Green-Pens.  Keep talking on here, or to others.  My counsellor always says that emotions are like mushrooms: if they're shut away in the dark, they grow.  But if they're brought into the light they shrivel.  Sharing with someone else how you're feeling can help the emotion to disapate.  Regarding whether anyone at the Samaritans will understand...  it might still be worth a go.  Even if they don't understand the whole picture, they'll definitely have encountered some of your situation before and know what to say. 

    Another thing you could try is meditation: https://taketime.org.uk/  I was really struck when someone who suffers from depression & anxiety told me that they found the Taketime meditations extremely powerful because they felt more fully understood through this than when they talk to a therapist.  It may not be your thing, but I offer it as a suggestion.

    Take care and try to have compassion on yourself x    

Reply

  • Please don't do anything hasty Green-Pens.  Keep talking on here, or to others.  My counsellor always says that emotions are like mushrooms: if they're shut away in the dark, they grow.  But if they're brought into the light they shrivel.  Sharing with someone else how you're feeling can help the emotion to disapate.  Regarding whether anyone at the Samaritans will understand...  it might still be worth a go.  Even if they don't understand the whole picture, they'll definitely have encountered some of your situation before and know what to say. 

    Another thing you could try is meditation: https://taketime.org.uk/  I was really struck when someone who suffers from depression & anxiety told me that they found the Taketime meditations extremely powerful because they felt more fully understood through this than when they talk to a therapist.  It may not be your thing, but I offer it as a suggestion.

    Take care and try to have compassion on yourself x    

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