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Does life actually get better? What does it take to get actual help?

Green-Pens

Does life actually get better? I've been depressed since around June 2017 and I've only really gotten worse over time.

What does it take to get actual help? I'm under a mental health team, but I also have autism and I'm not sure how they're going to help me with my comorbid conditions. There is an autism inpatient unit, but I think they are reluctant to send me there. I think they think that I can be treated from home, but I don't think I can because I sometimes get thoughts and feelings of self-harm and I so badly want to act on them, but I'm scared of the pain and also if the scar would remind me of when I was in a bad time in my life. I so desperately want help, but I don't want to take an overdose because then I'd have to get my stomach pumped. Cutting is another thing that kinda scares me (not as much as overdosing).

I'm thinking of starving myself, although it causes discomfort, I've done it before and lost weight really quickly. I know my brain would be telling me to eat, but I can do it - I've done it before, I can do it again! If I do starve myself, would the mental health team deem me as unsafe and then have to intervene? I know I'm morbidly obese and require more energy than people who are not obese, but I think it'll make me happier if I starve myself because then I'd lose weight really quickly as well.

I'm just so desperate for help and can't cope with this way of living anymore. It's like no one at the mental health team takes me seriously. It's like my mental illnesses aren't valid because they're not deemed as life threatening.

Parents

  • Dearest Green-Pens, my heart goes out to you!  I'm not a health professional and I don't have any experience of the mental health team so I can't offer any advice.  But if you're contemplating such drastic self-harm actions, I'd say your condition surely is life-threatening.  Please please please hang on in there.  Don't give up - I do believe recovery IS possible.  You are a beautiful, unique person, and your life is worth fighting for.  If you haven't got anyone else to talk to, try ringing the Samaritans.  I hope and pray that you will find the right support for your needs.  Sending love and prayers x

  • in reply to NAS69437

    Hey NAS69437, 

    Thank you for your lovely comment!

    I honestly just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I just can't believe how bad I've become in terms of my health. It's like I just don't care anymore. I don't care if I live, I don't care if I become so physically ill that I need to be hospitalised, what's the point of living this life if I have nothing to hold onto? I experience no enjoyment anymore; nothing makes me happy. I've become this horrible, nasty person. I don't deserve anything in my opinion. 

    I may give the Samaritans a call, but I doubt that'll help me. x

  • in reply to Green-Pens

    i looked in your profile and there is a picture. Can you tell me about it ? is it linked  to your name ? 

    On a more serious note, did u ring the Samaritans ? if yes what happened  ?

  • in reply to Green-Pens

     self harm is a sort of relieve mechanism ( for me )  I do it every so often when my head has way to many thoughts and I cant process them.  That the issue with the autistic brain it sometimes gets overwhelmed.

    Some people meltdown or shutdown. Do you ?   

    I shutdown pretty much every day and now i encourage it so I can continue to function,  the rest of my day and that works really well. 

    My self harm.  when  I do it i induce the pain and the adrenalin but dont cause any damage just a big scratch.  I find this also works well.

    I dont beat myself up about my self harm or my shutdowns. I do them and move on "its just me, its ok "

    U're in a low,  u're going to have many more,  as I will  but  in couple of days u will feel better ,

    Have u self harmed before ?

    the Samaritans will understand, they will vary,, i mean there are many listeners all over the UK so if you ring at different times you will get different people.

    so if you do feel that u are going to kill yourself please ring them,, they are better than you think. you wont be wasting their time 

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  • in reply to Green-Pens

     self harm is a sort of relieve mechanism ( for me )  I do it every so often when my head has way to many thoughts and I cant process them.  That the issue with the autistic brain it sometimes gets overwhelmed.

    Some people meltdown or shutdown. Do you ?   

    I shutdown pretty much every day and now i encourage it so I can continue to function,  the rest of my day and that works really well. 

    My self harm.  when  I do it i induce the pain and the adrenalin but dont cause any damage just a big scratch.  I find this also works well.

    I dont beat myself up about my self harm or my shutdowns. I do them and move on "its just me, its ok "

    U're in a low,  u're going to have many more,  as I will  but  in couple of days u will feel better ,

    Have u self harmed before ?

    the Samaritans will understand, they will vary,, i mean there are many listeners all over the UK so if you ring at different times you will get different people.

    so if you do feel that u are going to kill yourself please ring them,, they are better than you think. you wont be wasting their time 

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