Published on 12, July, 2020
A conversation (via SMS) with a friend around suicide included me pointing out the strain of not fitting in anywhere and being socially abnormal. His reply was intended to be generous, suggesting that I fit in better than I think. So I just pointed out to him "I don't think you realise how hard it is to fit in."
His reply? "Do you have to pretend? Can you be yourself?"
Excellent question. I mean, obviously yes, and hell, there's an entire lifetime of things going *** when I fail to properly portray neurotypical behaviours.
I still don't know how to respond. Why do we pretend to fit in? What's the point?
Good question!
I've been wondering about this. Inc what am i pretending to do. Like it's become so normal to me I'm not sure if it's me or not. I guess we get conditioned into it as kids cos fitting in is a crucial survival technique.
I've one friend I don't mask with, so i know what that looks and feels like, but however much i want to be unmasked with others it just doesn't happen.
get him to video you ,,,, that would be so interesting. it would be a good thing in terms of training for mental health professionals and other autistics to have a pair of vides of same person unmasked and then masked.
Good idea. It'd help me. Tho would feel awkward. I'll try n video it in my mind for now, and maybe start a diary about when i'm unmasked.
I'll save it for now tho as me discovering I'm autistic is pretty awkward between us as he clearly is too. We've spent all our friendship laughing and joking and critising 'normal' people only for me to go and name it. (And we're talking about MGG who I've mentioned in other posts).
But yeah, def made me think i can consciously learn from these interactions when i naturally unmask.
LOL, I'm genuinely laughing out loud. I'm gonna get a telly too and start watching the footie;>), oo, with some cans.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Well done you!
I do exhaust myself with all my projects, and to-do's. I'm learning to waste time, like read the paper in a pub with a pint!
if someone tells me not to do something i become very interested in doing just that very thing. a teacher told me their was no way I would get any GCSEs and he by accident threw a switch in my head ! I got them all :)
Don't i know it!
My accupuncturist suggest I add a new List to my other ones, which was a list of things not to do! And I should add something every night! It's bloody hard.
life is about projects for many autistics
MGG is prob the same as ever. He's had a light version of Covid so I've not seen him. It's more me and my roller coaster of emotions! I'm in a good space at the moment just sitting it out. Maybe I'll reply on the other thread not to confuse this one.
But yes, unmasking is gonna be a little project, along with the 3,000 other ones I always have on the go.