High Functioning?

Hi Peter

A couple of days is not really enough time to process what all this means to you.      What was your motivation to seek a diagnosis?       What issues are you noticing?    Are you constantly masking like crazy?

Like you, I was married, had a child, good job - a chartered engineer - I had been in management, I was doing very well until I changed job and had a manager that was out of his depth but very good at playing the company politics game - and over the course of a couple of years, his games destroyed me.    The constant bullying and abuse damaged my health - which meant I couldn't get another job.     That, along with the rapidly changing needs of my child meant I couldn't cope any more so my ability to mask reached it's limits and my 'quirks' became too obvious to hide and I was diagnosed as Aspie.

Unfortunately, coming out at work just made things 1000x worse - I got used and abused mercilessly from there onwards but my Aspie need to do the right thing trapped me in a catch 22 situation which eventually burned me out.

I'd be very careful about jumping to any sudden decisions - take time to get to know yourself - it's a lot more complicated than you might think.

Are you a surveyor by any chance?

my need for diagnosis has come after I got married, when all my destructive Coping mechanism behaviours that got me to the end of a day. Where stopped as my wife quite legitimately didn’t want me to keep her awake till 4am. Every night.

what I found was, all the social anxiety I had inside of me I couldn’t hide anymore, because suddenly I couldn’t drink 3pints to forget how afraid I was.

it came to a critical point last year, when I was placed in a difficult position at work where I had to assess to the competency and capacity of an employee to do the work. It was a nightmare, I had no guidance on the extent of my assessment, and no Remit to where I should stop.

i really tried to do the guy a favour, but he ignored me, so I poured all my anger at his lazy and arrogant behaviour into my report, accurate but skewed by my autism, it wasn’t so objective. I let myself down.

anyway, it came to a head on the roof of a museum when he confronted me, he started insulting me and being totally unfair, I had literally tried everything to help this guy see he was in a delicate position at work. But he started being so unkind, I’ve never been so angry in my life. I remember asking myself, I need to kill myself, But should I kill him first.

in the end I stood there shaking in silence (a massive victory) in the end, I realised when I’m stressed my thoughts drift toward suicide and everything I see become a tool for that. So I saw a counsellor and on my first appt, she said have you considered you might be autistic.

1 year later and £2000 poorer here I am.

ASDish said:

in the end I stood there shaking in silence

And that's the killer - being so stressed that you end up burning up inside but tongue-tied and unable to express yourself effectively.       No matter how badly you're abused, you can't fight back.    Welcome to Aspergers.

I'm a rocket scientist / nuclear physicist - I've done some unbelievable things.    In a positive environment, I am seen as the best thing since sliced bread.       In a political environment, I'm just an easy target to be abused.      I strive so hard to be perfect and to do the right thing - no matter what the personal cost - but bullies are quick to spot people like me and will take full advantage while manipulating everyone else to make out that I am at fault for all of their ***-ups.

@nas69312 - I wish everyone Was as supportive as you.

should you feel it appropriate, I’d be grateful to talk further regarding our shared experiences.

especially post diagnosis.

acceptance starts with yourself, it’s sounds like you are in a good way.

all the best in your continuing journey.

@nas69312 - I wish everyone Was as supportive as you.

should you feel it appropriate, I’d be grateful to talk further regarding our shared experiences.

especially post diagnosis.

acceptance starts with yourself, it’s sounds like you are in a good way.

all the best in your continuing journey.