Lockdown/covid has destroyed my masking skills

I am in the biggest crisis of my life and I no longer have anyting left in the tank.(BTW I am awaiting diagnosis) My dad died in April of Covid leaving me to look after my 80yo mum who is house bound. I did get carers in but had to maintain the house and finally start of August she went into a care home. I single handed dealt with all paperwork, funeral, care home, and clearing their house, it was hell. I thought I had now got my life back but it is getting worse. I have also been furloughed from work until a few weeks ago.

I am now massivley struggling with simple tasks, went sick last week from work to avoid it. I feel like my computer (brain) has crashed and when rebooted windows was not working and half the apps have gone.  I have always avoided difficult things and conflict in life but when something like that happens now I have a full meltdown. This morning was terrible. Stopped on the way to a job at motorway services, parked the car and got out and maybe just touched the next door car, the bloke leaped out threatened to do me over and called me every name under the sun, a nasty piece of work. Normally I give as good as I get but without sinking to his level. This morning I just got into my car and had a massive tearful meltdown for 30 min.

So question is does anybody else feel lockdown and the lack of needing to mask and fit it has affected their skills at masking and genrally coping? Since I realised I am probably Autistic last year I have been getting worse at not hiding it. For the first time I actually feel properly autistic, I have spent a year really wondering if I really am , know I know.

Rob