Feeling like a fraud in limbo

Hi, I think diagnosis can be the beginning of a very helpful process of finding out more about sensory issues that are related to the condition. It's great to hear about different things that can help and to try them out to see if they work for you. After I was diagnosed I started trying noise-cancelling headphones and was very surprised by how much they helped. Also, new hearing technology is being developed that highlights speech and dims background sounds. I tried some earbuds with it and they instantly changed my voice, as I could hear myself better, and could take part in conversations more easily. After wearing them for several days and weeks, I was able to concentrate and hear speech for much longer periods of time. It took a long time to realise that there was something going on with my hearing, because my ears themselves are fine. I think maybe there's something to do with the filtering of sound (and also light) which can reduce the build-up of stress responses? The assessment itself has some puzzle-type tasks, followed by in-depth discussions of your background and experiences. I'm not sure if every assessment is similar, though that's what mine was like. It's very personal to each individual experience but I think a diagnosis can be a great asset. Wishing you all the best

Thanks for your comments.

It absolutely comes at a cost to my mental health. It's like a constant roller coaster. For years I've always had holidays booked and I think I've been able to use this time to properly recharge (escapism has been as extreme as the Andes and the rain forest). Sometimes it feels a bit like I'm a 'Sim' with the energy diamond above my head. Rather than running away from my problems (as some people see it) I need to physically be away from it all to be able to recover and tackle it again.  So many people can't see this and often comment things like I need to deal with things better. I would love to and am exhausted from trying lol.

https://www.spectrumwomen.com/autism-april/video-nimh-special-event-a-womans-voice-understanding-autistic-needs/

You say you can manage things in life like money, work, partner...but does any of this give you stress/anxiety? For me, I can "manage" these things in life but it comes at a cost to my mental health. Yes everyone finds life stressful, but I think when one is on the spectrum, because of different ways of thinking, it can be harder and often we don't realise this. 

P1nkG1n said:

I guess it feels like I'm making a claim that may not be true. Apparently I have a real issue with telling these lies

I think I would be the same. Could this be down to traits of autism and black and white thinking...? I do feel, and can see in some people that i know, that some "neurotypical " people if they were in your shoes, wouldnt bat an eyelid about this and just come out with it then deal with the consequences later. (Like something is said as a fact when it actually isnt). But it seems there's a certain level of conscientiousness in you which means you feel uncomfortable saying something as fact which you don't know as fact.

For work, I told my manager that "I identify with traits on the spectrum" . You're kind of in limbo at the moment like you say, but diagnostic process or not, you identify with these traits. 

P1nkG1n said:

Many things have happened and I now wonder if that's to do with a naivety I hadn't recognised

I too, at the age of 35, feel a certain naiveté and I have tried to find answers for this (such as not as much worldly experience for example) but I feel like autism fits this. It's like I feel young for my age (yes lots of people do)....but I mean it in terms of being naive...it's hard to describe. But I think this also links back to finding life harder than non autistic people.

P1nkG1n said:

If I am not autistic then what the heck is up with me and my issues?

I think if it comes back you are not autistic, you need to make it clear that there are things which you find difficult and are there any other conditions which it could possibly be.

What was your main reason for starting off the diagnostic process? You need to hold onto that.  Also, you have many more months of this coming up - you need to think of ways to deal with it all because it sounds like it'll be a long process. 

Good luck

I can't fault the true response. Your situation is a bit different to mine as you're in employment. Being factual seems to make sense given that context. I wonder if others may have something to say on this?

I'm, for the first time in well over a decade, not employed. So, labelling myself self-diagnosed works for me in the position I find myself in at the moment. [On that side, it's made quite a big difference in that, when I struggle, I've stopped kind of scolding myself for not being 'on it' or 'good enough'. Now, I ask myself, "is this maybe an autism thing?", "what can I learn from this?", "what expectations should I reasonably ask of myself here?"]

So, the point here is that I have self-diagnosed because, at present, there's no legalities I'm getting involved with.

Hi, 

Thanks for your response. I get your points about feeling different on different days. Today has been better but I feel that is because I have an amazing manager who is speaking with HR and referring me to occupational health. Literally all I'm asking for is a bit of information and time to process it. I get overloaded and it's like my brain gets the blue screen of death. 

The doing well... yeah, there are some things going great. Then everything gets so hard to manage and I have epic meltdowns. Many things have happened and I now wonder if that's to do with a naivety I hadn't recognised. I think I mask pretty well. 

The mirror was literally in reference to what I think might happen when I have my ASD assessment. I've filled out so many forms already. I have no idea what to expect. 

Self diagnosis is difficult. The words from my mouth are now "I'm awaiting an autism assessment" rather than I'm autistic. I guess it feels like I'm making a claim that may not be true. Apparently I have a real issue with telling these lies lol. Maybe I should just claim I am autistic until told otherwise now. Confused. 

Life/people are wonderfully complex and I feel it's nigh on impossible to be a binary switch of almost anything.

If we see the world as percentages. Some of the time, I feel like I 70% fit in with people, sometimes it's barely 5% fitting in. Depends on the day, my outlook, the kind of people I'm around (plus other factors).

Is the two-way mirror feeling a state of mind? It sounds like you've been doing pretty well already.

If you can get a diagnosis, that sounds like a possible bonus.

Everyone finds life stressful to different degrees. Some people with autism/Aspie feel anxiety and stuff on a near permanent basis, for others it comes and goes. Good days, tough days, good years, tough years.


My own 'I'm looking pretty clearly Aspie' has come during lockdown so I'm in that limbo too.

Through the last few months, I've been through periods of frustration with the limbo feeling. However, when I do get frustrated, I soonish or eventually decide 'does it really matter for now?'.

In time, I may pursue a diagnosis but most days I'm just trying to get on with things. The main thing for me has been figuring out that is likely a very good reason why life has been so hard. So, a self-diagnosis has already taken quite a lot of weight off in a way.

And it's been really nice having people on youtube and here who understand some of an Aspie life's little struggles that most of my friends don't really get.


I really like the fact that the autism/Aspie community haven't rejected those that are between diagnoses or otherwise struggling to get recognised.

I hope you're not feeling too much a fraud. Your experience is valid in its own right.

Thanks for responding. I know you mean well but my stress levels are around so much uncertainty and hitting brick walls so not knowing where else to turn. I've been trying many things to deal with my stress level. Some days it's easier than others. 

Thanks again and take care

Called the NAS helpline earlier. Feeling in a better place today thanks to the advisor (I'm so rubbish with names. I'm sorry) and he helped cement some of my thinking in terms of the diagnosis wait. 

My main issue I guess was around work and understanding what reasonable adjustments can be made without having an official diagnosis. The reasonable adjustments just seem like common sense to me. It makes me said that I have to go through Occupational Health just to have a bit more clarity over my role and responsibility lol.

I'll call up for a pack too. Sounds like it will be helpful.

P1nkG1n said:

So, apologies I think I just needed somewhere to try and understand what is going on. I would be grateful if anyone has any tips on dealing with the wait, uncertainty and what happens in assessment. I think it would be beneficial to understand what changes have been put in place too. 

I think you should try to relax be calm and try to find a coping method to deal with stress levels.