Work got weird

Cookiesmum1986 said:

Anyway I kind of knew I'd struggle with the upheaval of going back and asked occupational health for help and they said fill out this giant stress management form (50+ pages), I said I'm not stressed I'm autistic and they said you sound stressed to us, because apparently you can diagnose over the phone with your kids in the background.

You appear to be VERY VERY stressed - a classic trait of autism is not being able to deal with stress/anxiety so it will cause you to appear 'odd'.

I think you need to have a long look at yourself and read through questions in the 50 page form to maybe see that you are refusing to acknowledge the insane stress in your life.    It sounds like the form could be your way to maybe get some support in the environment.

Well I'm stressed now!

The form is all about stuff that isn't relevant like "how much control do you have over the tasks you carry out" and at the time when I was told to fill in the form that's what I was wanting to know, what tasks I was going back to (our services haven't returned to normal) so how could I answer the question?

I told my manager that this had happened when I came back from deployment and everything had settled a bit and she said it's fine and I didn't need to fill the form in (the last half of the form is how can the department style questions and I can't ever answer this sort of thing, I have almost no ability to answer open questions like that).

I mean I'd happily sit down and fill the form in but it's not in a format that I can work with, lots of "in what way can the department...." questions and I don't do well with those, I can't imagine measures that will help. I just know it's distracting as hell being told I'm working in one clinic and then 2 minutes before my shift being told actually it's a different one but I've just got on with it. 

Well I'm stressed now!

The form is all about stuff that isn't relevant like "how much control do you have over the tasks you carry out" and at the time when I was told to fill in the form that's what I was wanting to know, what tasks I was going back to (our services haven't returned to normal) so how could I answer the question?

I told my manager that this had happened when I came back from deployment and everything had settled a bit and she said it's fine and I didn't need to fill the form in (the last half of the form is how can the department style questions and I can't ever answer this sort of thing, I have almost no ability to answer open questions like that).

I mean I'd happily sit down and fill the form in but it's not in a format that I can work with, lots of "in what way can the department...." questions and I don't do well with those, I can't imagine measures that will help. I just know it's distracting as hell being told I'm working in one clinic and then 2 minutes before my shift being told actually it's a different one but I've just got on with it. 

I'm over qualified, I have a science degree and have always worked in this particular specialism in various roles so I have a lot of knowledge I can tap into and I can think around a lot of situations so if I am doing a scan and I'm not getting the image i know the doctor will need I'll play with the cameras settings until I get it but others who have just worked in the department just use the cameras standard settings. 

My husband works in a job in health, he's got long service and has had jobs where he's written things like national hand hygiene policies, National dress code policies, and now he's in public health/health surveillance. My house at the moment, despite our best efforts, has unfortunately turned into a covid hub because his team are working remotely and his work is steering Scottish policies and strategies so Home isn't great just now. 

So I've been in positions where I've been told in front of everyone "your shoes aren't uniform compliant, all health worker shoes must be leather" and I've been like no, that's not true and I know my shoes are fine. And the issue has went all the way up the chain (good boss on maternity leave), and when it's reached the lead nurse I've had a phone call and at that point I've had to describe my shoes on the phone and then remind the LN that my husband literally wrote the guidelines and that I know my shoes are fine. Then with no apology the subject is dropped after weeks of stress.

that's just one of many examples but this woman has never been told to wind her neck in. 

I am more worried that, having finally found a sustainable way to get through my nurse training, the work are referring me to occupational health on the basis of a bunch of "what ifs" for when I'm on placement when it's nothing to do with work. Surely that would be the university's job if they had concerns? I have been cleared by the universities occupational health team who have actually taken an interest and read my educational psychology reports, work have never bothered asking for those. 

There is some blurred lines, my training is being funded by the Scottish executive (not the health board), I'm studying distance learning through the OU so my work had to sign an agreement that they would support me during the course and have been given a grant to do this (to get people in to cover my hours while I'm on placement and to give me study leave), but the placements are being arranged by the university and most of them are in my own department which is throwing up more weird dynamics because the manager who I don't get on with is making me my academic mentors issue even when I'm not on placement. They're not manager nurses, they're just regular nurses who have a tutoring qualification and agree to help out with the student nurses when they're in the department so it's a bit awkward. 

You are the same as me - I'm a super-qualified, super experienced Chartered Engineer - in the right environment I am seen as the best thing since sliced bread - I can literally do anything brilliantly (I'm not exaggerating) - BUT - I ended up in a department of bone-idle lazy people with a terrible incompetent manager - and it was my undoing.    I struggled on for years doing my best - and being kicked in the face - repeatedly - but my inner drive and high standards meant I kept powering through.

 Eventually,  couldn't function there - the constant lies and false promises, the lack of support etc. - but I was trapped there because the money was very good and the crazy stress had caused my health to collapse - meaning I couldn't get another job easily - the years took their toll and it's one of the reasons I ended up being diagnosed as Aspie - it hadn't been a problem ever before - it was just those circumstances that meant I absolutely couldn't cope,

If you have your manager on your side, push hard for a stress assessment - it can change your life to have people understand what you're going through but don't show on the outside.

I usually have good insight, I've been in this job 5 years and like I say the managers can't actually fault my performance, I'm sure if they could they would but they have tried and come up with nothing. If they could find something it might actually help them get occupational health to review me instead of brick walling the situation.

The other area where I was sent for deployment loved me and didn't want to send me back so it's not performance in any area.

Basically my manager isn't happy that occupational health aren't giving her the answer she wants, my GP hasn't given her the answer either and now she's decided she's going to send me back to occupational health again to see if they change their answer (in less than a month) and then if they don't she will get HR involved and try to get them to change the answer. I don't know what she wants, she keeps saying she needs more support but she's had all this time to help me get it and had no inclination until it's become inconvenient for her) and now suddenly it's a huge thing. 

The reality is I'm back at work, I turn up on time, i wear the uniform, I do what I'm told, i contribute when I'm asked.

There are places where I struggle but I think even a NT would struggle and it's not really around "autistic" issues and it's not issues that OH are going to help with. I have a manager (not THE manager, the manager beneath her) who won't speak to me because of said personality clash. I've presented dates, times and in some cases emails of issues and she said I made it all up - I literally couldn't if I wanted to. She's screamed my other medical info across the department (yes this is a trained nurse) and all that ever happens is she gets "spoken to". The system is pointless. So we had a mediation session where this "manager" said she wasn't comfortable with me and didn't want to talk to me and I said that she really didn't get a choice in the matter because it's literally her job to manage me. I challenge any NT to not struggle to be managed by someone like that.

I work with the public and don't need everything to be repetitive or on a production line or anything. I can deal with the changes around people and their deteriorating condition, being treated like a social worker, verbal aggression, passive aggressive remarks. I can handle it all. The struggles I'm having are with the toxic management structure and like I said I don't think occupational health will have a solution for this.

The initial help I asked them for is over, I've transitioned back. It's too late for them to support me with that now

Hi - I'm sorry to ask this but do you actually know how your autism affects you?        

Females are better at masking their autism but you seem to be trying to carry on by sheer force of will / physical strength but also seem to be completely denying your needs.

Do you understand that autistic people NEED everything to be 100% predictable and logical?    Anything less will cause lots of stress - so anything vague or chaotic or unpredictable will internally drive you nuts.

You will mask well until you get close to the limit of your ability to accept chaos - and you sound like you're almost there.     

I'd have a good look at that questionnaire again to start to understand how the little stuff is affecting you.       You mentioned to 'control of your work' - which is well known to be a huge stressing factor - along with environment, people around you, work pressure, external life pressures etc.      You might find that your manager can create the space to go through it all with you, and maybe with HR too to discuss what the questions mean and what they are getting at - so you can recognise the effect it's having on you - and from there, the company must act to help you.     

Are you in the union?    If not, it might be wise to join so they can bring some weight to help you - and they might be able to get some resources to assist you.

I asked for this before and HR just told me to talk to my manager, it's like the company is so bloated that no one knows who's job it is any more.

We have this online learning platform and the portal for disabled staff directs you to the platform to learn about divert and disability, the only disabilities you can learn about are hearing impairments, vision impairments and dementia. Because they offer "disability training" my manager said she isn't able to get any specialist training on working with someone who has autism, like having a blind member of staff is anything like the same thing! 

I'm trying to get help with applying for access to work because I think they offer training and support and god knows I think this lot need it but the inbox for that is monitored once per week and they don't actually email you when they pick up your enquiry? So I'm not sure when someone will get back to me. 

I know I'm crap at managing stress but I am in counselling just now through my husbands work (he works outwith the health boards) because of what I've been exposed to due to him working from home and the counsellor and my GP both agree that I'm fine really my work are just really bad and managing me. I'm fine until I'm going to work or I'm in work and then I'm over thinking everything until I'm on my way home.

I used to work in an environment that was totally chaotic and I got to the stage where I was so overloaded that I couldn't see the wood for the trees.       

Why not ask to sit down with HR to fill in the form - that will enable you to talk about the questions with another person as you go through it - you might find that extremely enlightening - things that you are just accepting are probably seen as unacceptable to everyone else - we tend to go into bunker mentality to just get the job done - but anyone else would have given up or just refused to do it - we don't have the ability to measure 'is this normal' because we cannot see what's in other people's minds.

You might find the way everyone else interprets stress to be very different to you - and you may be hurting yourself for no reason.