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I can't/won't listen

TBC

Hi all!

I am 34 and diagnosed with ASD as an adult.  I am finding lengthy video calls for work extremely difficult as I find it almost impossible to listen beyond a few minutes.  It brings to mind all my experiences of school which was very much 'chalk and talk'.  I would get very angry at the teacher for talking and talking and would try to turn by brain off or distract myself by doodling etc.. As I got older at school sometimes I would leave the classroom or truant.  As an adult, on video calls where I am being passive, it takes huge effort to remain engaged in what is being said and I end up getting so frustrated that I do things like dig my nails into my arm to keep myself focused.  In larger meetings online I turn the camera off briefly so I can move around which relieves some of the frustration.  I don't have so much of a difficulty concentrating if it is a to and fro conversation. After calls, I feel totally exhausted from the effort of concentrating and often need a power nap before I can do anything else.

Does anyone have any experience of this or an explanation as to why this might be?  I am broadly considered bright and competent so it is difficult to tell others how much of a challenge this is for me because I feel like I'm being a poorly behaved child!

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  • in reply to Distincthowler

    Thanks so much.  I actually referenced the article you mentioned in conversation with my boss yesterday - he said he was really struggling with video calls because he doesn't know when it's his turn to talk and we had a good laugh about how he's been given an insight into my world. Unlike the author, I find the situation just compounds the usual difficulties I have with social interaction and the distinct pressure I feel to stay still and listen and resultant anxiety is very similar to what I experienced as a child at school. I was prone to chewing at school, the toggles on my coat, pencils etc. and I would be told off for this and told I was disgusting. The effort of NOT chewing and listening at the same time took up almost all my reserves and there was very little left for learning. It's little wonder then that I ended up first a smoker and now vape!  

  • in reply to TBC

    I'd echo what Symon said and see if this is something you can get resolved as a reasonable adjustment.

    I also find video harder simply because if is harder to interpret their facial expressions than a face to face discussion and that is already difficult enough!

    Zoom and other video calls are tiring for NT's as well, I read an article where the writer was autistic. They compared a Zoom call experience for a NT to be similar to a normal conversation for some one with ASD in terms of understanding other participants and the effort required to engage.

    http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/2020/04/zoom-fatigue-taste-of-autistic.html?m=1

    I think I got the link off this forum somewhere. It's a little off topic but may be something to consider when trying to get your point across to your manager.