Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
For as long as i know, i've always been this way!....over analysing matters....whittling things down till theyre no longer there almost....exhausting matters to oblivion...Its the complete taking apart!
I have learnt some techniques to reduce this...but ive had countless people throughout my life(before i was diagnosed) stating " you never believe anyone" "you think youre so clever, why do you pretend to be intelligent" ....I think this last comment is a mistake on their parts as thats not what im doing....but it must come across to NT's as pomp and ego.....to keep chipping away at a matter.....but it seems to be an ocd funk i cant get off...Its really annoyed alot of people throughout my life...including myself.
I find it hard to have faith in things....if that makes sense!....i always seem to have deep seated doubts...and thats what leads me(i believe) to chip away at every angle on a matter to see if it will stand true...
Im convinced this exhausts me mentally(i obvious conclusion i know) but its only just dawned on me at 51yrs old, that it fatigues me so much!
And without going down the( proverbial rabbit hole ), its really all fear!...
Doubt and feeling that i have to check matters are real and wont hurt me....anxiety !..
Good to know others do it as well. I was told that I needed faith but I even try to analyse that.
Faith, as in the ability to accept something without evidence.
I do see a point in that, if it means: keep a neutral stand in interaction with others. Not everybody is out there to cheat or deceive you, and in general people can be trusted, until proven untrustworthy. But you should always keep an open mind to that.