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Facebook and issues with not having lived the life many seem to have lived.

AlwaysIS

I try not to look at FB too much, but due to fully knowing  i am different (diagnosed officially 2018) im 51-52 in july this year!

This isnt a violin sessions but ive had a pretty awful life....from my own hands and others.

I like to think that had i had guidance and known i was Autistic way back...i wouldnt have ended up being so isolated.

Had a major breakdown after leaving school....this coincided with my parents break up ,i was 17yrs old)(just to briefly mention, they really did mental abuse me, and my father physically) they always said i was strange and would end up alone...they really did, YET they never once took me to a specialist.

So around 1986 i self harmed and was sections for 2 weeks....even the A&E guy said" dont admit yourself.....youll regret it ," i sense he knew i was crazy, but had some kind of condtion.

I could go on and on, but ive literally had no friends since school(in truth, i should never have been in a mainstream school)....other than partners one 10yrs and the other 18yrs(both were conveniences and in truth, it was for isolated company...i desperately wanted to try and be normal and really shouldnt have had  children though i love them very much....i made things far worse by trying to fit in.

im now living alone in a Bungalow after my recent separation and ,my son is also Autistic(had Adhd,vacant seizures,Epilepsy) and a daughter.

They do not contact me, but i go over to them once a week..

Now the reason i mention Facebook, is i can see many people i knew from school..ALL having a great time(im certainly not saying theyve had easy lives) but the sheer fact that theyre all in groups, holidaying together....Family meals, outings etc!

Yet ive never had this as i was fully ostracized by anyone i knew(including especially my family) since 1986....Other than my partners from 1990-2018  ,,,,ive technically only known 2 peoples within 30 yrs...

I also know that much of facebook in some senses is illusionary ...a picture doesnt always tell the facts....as i see my family on there all smiling yet i know what they have all said about eachother...

Im not totally sure why i've posted this, but im in a bit of a muddle with keep looking at FB from time to time as in my mind..im just ruminating at how odd i am and just feel a bit loathsome at present

Parents

  • I think FB and the Community pages are like the Yin and Yang of social media. I love the honesty on here and the fact you can say anything and not be judged.

    I really relate to your post AlwaysIS. My parents divorced when I was 5 and pockets of abuse followed with my Dad’s second partner. I never really had friends and struggle with that even now. I think it’s true what Plastic says, FakeBook, is exactly that. I find myself looking up people from school and comparing myself to what they appear to be. Usually on the side of they are doing better than me. Then every so often I hear that everything is not as it appears.

    I think I’m rambling, but the point is you’re not alone on here at least.

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  • I think FB and the Community pages are like the Yin and Yang of social media. I love the honesty on here and the fact you can say anything and not be judged.

    I really relate to your post AlwaysIS. My parents divorced when I was 5 and pockets of abuse followed with my Dad’s second partner. I never really had friends and struggle with that even now. I think it’s true what Plastic says, FakeBook, is exactly that. I find myself looking up people from school and comparing myself to what they appear to be. Usually on the side of they are doing better than me. Then every so often I hear that everything is not as it appears.

    I think I’m rambling, but the point is you’re not alone on here at least.

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